Love does not boast, it is not proud

"...[love] does not boast, it is not proud"

This ends the attributes of love mentioned in 1 Corinthians 13:4, which Paul wrote to the church in Corinth to demonstrate true agape love. Why does this post have two characteristics? It may be because I realise that this is the fourth post on one verse, and there are five verses of love characteristics, it may be because I can't think of enough to say on one of them; but more so, it's because I believe that pride and boasting are linked together - boasting can come from pride.

photo by Fool-On-The-Hill, 2011

The Greek word for pride used here literally means to 'puff up' or inflate. When I think of puffing up, I imagine pigeons when they court, and the male swells his head up to impress the female. It looks quite silly when you see them in a park, but to lady pigeons it's quite impressive. I wonder if God sees us the same, when we puff ourselves up and walk around trying to impress people. It may look very impressive to the other pigeons, but a pigeon can't be puffed up all the time - it's just not practical. I wonder if God looks at the little things that we think are so great the same way that I look at the pigeons as they bob there big heads around at other pigeons?

Pride is a bit of a silent sin. We all make mistakes, and often those mistakes can make us feel condemned or upset. This is unhealthy because we don't want to walk around in guilt, and we don't need to be guilty any more, we are freed from that, and made pure in Christ (Romans 8:1-4). Guilt can make us ineffective and self-condemning, but pride is the exact opposite. We don't get prideful when we make mistakes, we get prideful when we do things well, or obtain, or are excessively pleased with something. Instead of condemning ourselves, we idolise ourselves and think ourselves grander than we are. This has the danger of making us overly independent, when we are a communal creature dependant on God. It puts our satisfaction in our accomplishments, when we are made pure through faith and not works (Ephesians 2:8-9). There is also a problem in having our security in our accomplishments, because we are only happy when we are doing well - which is a lot of pressure. If you take pride, and identify in your: relationship, or job, or bank statement, or ability to play guitar then what happens if your job or relationship ends? What happens when during the recession? What happens if you sprain your wrist and can't rock out? When we are only made by what we have done, we are vulnerable, how much more valuable would it be to be content in all circumstances, because our contentment isn't in us which changes so much, but in that unchangeable faithful higher power (Philippians 4:10-13).

What I am not saying is that there is anything wrong in delighting in what you accomplish, what goes well, and the amazing things in your life, but rather become thankful and happy in these. Mark Buchanan, in his book, 'The Holy Wild', gives a story about putting paving slabs out in the back garden, and recognising that is was a day well spent, being quite pleased with how it all went. This thought can take over, until he turns it into pride. Instead of: I am amazing at me because I have done this, his thinking was 'I am glad that I spent the day doing this, thank you Lord that this happened'. The glory went from himself to God. Now, the same's on facebook or blogger. We all love it when people comment and like us, when the stats of visits are high, when we are noticed; because we all love being noticed and, in turn, noticing others. My heart is for pastoral care, because I think a fundamental desire for humanity is the desire to be listened to, and in turn it's a privilege to listen to people's deep stories. I've really enjoyed researching around Corinthians also, and when people comment it is nice, but there is that danger of pride sneaking in. In those moments it has been important to not puff myself up because I have spent an evening doing something I am pleased with, but to give glory to God, and think about why I did it. I write this blog  because it helps me to come understand scripture and process the ways God nudges me in life, I write it to tell people I love what God is doing in my life, I write it in the hope that stuff I have learnt or experience might in some way help others along in their journey. I never started blogging so people would like me, or to feel good about myself; and when that thinking starts to get hold I need to remember the truthful reason why I am writing about love atm, because love is not prideful. It has also been so nice to turn any reliance on myself as knowledge and experiences increase into worship of the one who has given me all things I have and am.

Yesterday I went to a wedding (which was beautiful and amazing, everyone looked beautiful in their dresses and suits, and likewise I took time to prepare for the wedding and look good for the occasion in a suit). I was not sure if it would rain so carried a rain coat with me. The coat is brilliant at keeping you dry, but is not fashionable or lovely looking. As I travelled home afterwards on the bus I wore my coat. With my coat done-up I looked distinctly average, or even scruffy; anyone who saw me would never know that I was dressed for a wedding, but I knew that underneath I was dressed for a wedding. The coat was like humility, and I was grateful for it. I felt happy in myself sitting on that bus, having a nice chat with the driver before, and I did not need to take my coat off and 'puff-up' my suit and tie to be happy. I guess that is what life becomes as we grow. We all are made so beautifully, and we have been given talents, possessions and skills for good uses. We know we have these, we can delight in them, but let's know that we are wearing them, and not feel as though we need to show them off boastfully to be happy. 

I heard someone say that they felt like a trophy in their relationship, and that got me thinking: How often are our loves an accessory to life? Relationships are fundamentally about people relating. Pride is about dependence on oneself. Relating and arrogance are incompatible. We do not love to feel good about ourselves, but in relationship. I plan to speak later about the Greek word love, but the word used in 1 Corinthians 13 is agape. This word is an 'unconditional love' that loves irrespective of the other person. This kind of love does not love so it can puff itself up and boast about the love itself, but it loves because it cares about the subject of the affection.

In what ways are you overly depending on yourself? How would you feel if that accomplishment changed? Can that accomplishment turn from the slippery slope of pride into appreciation and thankfulness?
God guide
xSx

Update:

Since starting this blog I became a Counsellor. You can read more on blog on subjects like Therapy at:

 www.simonslistening.co.uk