God even works through our flaws

My Missional Community group this summer has been based on 'Prision to Praise' by M. Carothers (ISBN 978-1-444-72420-2). The book is about the transformation God has on a person’s life. It ends with this person being thankful for everything, and in everything praising God. In response to the impact of praise in this person’s life, and the Biblical foundation for doing this, we made a list of twelve things we find easy to thank God for, and seven that are difficult to. One of the things I had on my difficult list was procrastination.

Many people say they procrastinate, but for me this has always been a real trouble. I find anything to do other than the thing that I know would be good to do i.e. instead of writing a letter I pick hairs from the carpet, or play backgammon. In uni’ this meant I left my essays to the last month, now it means I reply late to e-mails and currently it has had the following effects: Firstly I am yet to apply for any support from churches or individuals outside of my family. Secondly I was slow to set up this blog (it took two weeks to set it up and write the first post). Finally I need to move out of my home this week, for one month until KTC starts in September when I move into college accommodation (which I also praise God for). I do not have a car, and moving home is one of the few occasions that one is really necessary, and so I needed someone to help me move. Dad would be the usual choice, but he has recently had a knee operation rendering any strenuous exercise potentially damaging (despite this he still wanted to drive the sixteen miles to Oxford). My second choice was my brother, Mark, who does have a car and would probably be able to help, but I have been procrastinating in contacting him (even though a text only takes a minute). These are my procrastinations, a flaw in me, yet I have been praising God in spite of my procrastination, thanking him for it, and giving it over to him.

Last Monday I had listened to a podcast in the morning and was having a coffee. At the end of the coffee I planned to fill in an application for a grant. I finished the podcast but had half the coffee still, so decided to play one quick game of backgammon before I started filling in this form. The computer rolled, and I was just about to touch the screen to roll myself when my flatmate rang me (which closes the game). I had felt the nudge to go to dinner with her and a friend that day, and had a little time before to fill out this form. Because she called me at that perfect time I left the game, and had just enough time to fill in the form before meeting them. I had been praying in the shower before that lifting my procrastination to the Lord, and he used an innocent phone call to remove it, which focused me on getting the work done that needed doing.

The second part of God’s use of procrastination is a twofold story of how it caused me to be unknowingly patient. God’s been speaking to me recently from Isaiah 40:31 (but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint – ESV, other translations say who’s hope/trust/strength but it is really the patient trusting in God that I was meditating on). I had been singing it a week earlier, and last Thursday the leader of alpha prayed it over me without knowing how I had been singing that verse all week. My timing is very different to God’s. I want everything comfortably here and now, whereas his perfect plan can involve some uncertainty and patience. This is a story of how my procrastination worked with God’s timing, and both happened today. When I arrived home I had received a letter from KTC with the guide to new students. Included in this letter was an application form to a company which supports full-time students at Bible Colleges. One of the ways they do this is by being qualified for gift aid tax relief. This makes any support raised for next year 25% more, so £1.25 per pound. If I had not waited (through procrastination); 

I would have asked family, friends and churches for support without receiving gift-aid, and so lost out.

The second way God has used procrastination is in me not texting my brother to help me move out. I way in tremendous need, and did not want to put my dad out, yet I did not know how to draft a text to my brother asking for his help – so I put it off. Time was getting closer towards the end (a week before the move). At alpha tonight we talked about our social for next week. At the end of the session I told the group that I might not be able to make next week, as I might be moving back home (somehow?). At this point one of the members asked if I needed help. I said how useful that would be, and the entire group have decided to help me move home next Thursday. The fun social day is going to be intertwined with helping me in a way that I couldn’t do myself.  I am so grateful for their help, and I am so grateful that God used even my procrastinating for his glory. I feel utterly convinced that God is in control of all things, and we can thankfully bring anything to him knowing that he cares for those things. There is someone at work who I struggle to get on with, and that attitude of thankfulness around them is particularly challenging. In spite of this difficulty, I try to thank God for them, and there has been progress this week. Whereas there is usually apathy, this week there has been laughing and conversation. Bring everything to God, because he is powerful enough to deal with it. It is an amazing attitude where we thank God for all things instead of grumbling (even in the big tests).

God guide
xSx

Update:

Since starting this blog I became a Counsellor. You can read more on blog on subjects like Therapy at:

 www.simonslistening.co.uk 

Why I am going to Bible College

Update:

Since starting this blog I became a Counsellor. You can read more on blog on subjects like Therapy at:

 www.simonslistening.co.uk 

Before university I felt a nudge towards studying theology. I remember hearing how much the course might cause me to doubt my faith, and fearing not being able to get a job afterwards. Because of this I chose not to study here, instead I decided to study Human Biology and Anthropology at Oxford Brookes University because it was interesting and I felt there were career prospects.  I remember my biology teacher asking why I didn’t do theology at uni’, but I had decided to do biology by then. Before I went off my Godmother gave me a Word from Revelations 3:8 (I know your deeds. See, I have placed before you an open door that no one can shut). She said that theology may cause us to question our faith, but nothing can shut that door and take our faith away. I went to university, joined an amazing church called the Oxford Community Church (OCC), and went deeper in my walk with God. Those three years at Brookes were amazing; I met some amazing friends, learnt lots, grew in knowledge and matured.

At the end of my degree, 2009, I and a few friends rented a house in Oxford. I applied for a number of jobs and managed to find one in a local department store, Boswells of Oxford. The idea was that I would have a relaxing post-degree gap year in order to discern God's will for my working life. I loved my colleagues in this store, and the nature of customer services was great, but I never felt comfortable there. I spent that year applying for other jobs which the world would consider better (higher pay, more opportunity for development), whilst enjoying my time at Boswells and living with close friends. 

The following spring I did a course with my church called 'into action'. The course involved a lot of Biblical study, reading, memorising verses, spending time in prayer, fasting and service to the community. I got a lot out of the course, and it improved my faith. Now, at the same time I had joined a mid-week community group at church; it was led by a strong wise man of God, and one of the members was a lady from Korea. One evening the leader gave me a lift home, and at the end of the journey he asked me whether I had considered our local Bible College (King's Theological College - KTC). He noticed how much I had enjoyed 'Into Action', and that I had little direction for my life, and so he thought it would be a good year for me to learn, discern God's will and be transformed at KTC.

I gave it a lot of thought, and a little prayer. I felt the nudge from God to go to it, as though it was what He wanted, but I had no faith for finances. The course cost around £10,000 (for the course, accommodation and living expenses), whereas I only possessed £4,000. I decided to set up a little test for God in the morning: we were signing for a different house that year and were going to sign the contract at the end of that week. I said to God, 'If this contract gets signed for by someone else before the end of the week, so that I cannot remain in Oxford, then I will go to KTC'. Towards the end of that same day, I received a text from my flatmate telling me that someone else had signed for the house, and so we could not live there. I took this, the nudges, people continually mentioning the college as a sign from God that he wanted me to go. God wanted me there, but I was too scared and signed for a different house.

That next year I did a lot of training to be a counsellor, and volunteered with a company who help emotionally vulnerable and suicidal people. Around December time I lost the job with those vulnerable people, and felt lost. I was still in Oxford, getting older, and in the same department store without what I could see as a purpose. It was at this point that God again laid Bible College on my heart. I wrestled alone with it - some days agreeing with God, others not. It meant giving God every penny I owed (£5,000 at this point), and having faith that he would double it for that year. The next Spring I was still in that place when the Korean lady from my church approached me. She told me that her husband wanted me to edit a book which had been translated from Korean to English. I was reluctant to accept, as I did not feel I had the time and had never done editing, nor was I a particularly good speller, but I decided to give it a go. Her husband told me that he had this book for me (as there was more than one book to edit) and a different book for someone else. Neither of them knew about me wanting to go to KTC that year - although their daughter was doing the same course that year - but God worked through them giving me that book.

I read through this book, 'Living by Faith' by 'Joo Bong Yeo' very slowly. I had to check each sentence to make sure that it made sense, and in doing so the message and teachings of the book really took root. The book told me to enjoy a lot of time with God. In doing this I could discern his will, and be faithful to it, with a peace about me instead of the fear I had been in about it. It said that Jesus accomplished all victories on the cross, and that power is in us all, and so God can accomplish anything - no matter how 'worldly' difficult it seems, if we have faith. I knew, in reading this book, that it was essential that each Christian lived through faith, and so this book became hugely responsible for my step of faith in going to KTC this year.

Ever since starting to edit this book I have had other nudges and encouragements: My father and the man who led my community group supported and prayed for me. I did a taster week, on the Holy Spirit, which really confirmed it for me. I heard many sermons and pod casts, as well as specific parts of the Bible, which seemed to speak directly to me. I once saw a man named Richard Colbrook at Church. I felt the nudge to approach him, and so I went up and spoke. I said ‘Richard, I don’t know how, but I feel like I need to get involved with you because you have a passion for evangelism. It might not even be this year, but I need to get involved with you, and can I have your number?’ I felt like I needed to but could not because KTC would take up all of my social time. He gave me his number and invited me to an evangelism training day (which I later attended and found helpful). The following week I was having a hard day concerning going to KTC. A friend was staying for dinner, and I remember just despairing in front of her and asking how I can know God’s will and backing (because I had not been officially accepted). She said to just have an honest good prayer session, so when she left I devoted a good amount of time to real personal prayer. I woke up the next day, and went to work feeling still scared about KTC. That evening I checked my e-mails and discovered a message to me as an ‘applicant’ saying how they look forwards to seeing me in September. It sadly mentioned that the principle has been called on to different things and will be leaving the college this year. In the principles place, Richard Colbrook will be taking over. It was amazing, he knew I had applied but couldn’t tell me about the position he had accepted. I had told this man I wanted to get involved with his this year, and he was coming to be a part of the Bible College I was attending.

The decision to give up a year to go to Bible College has been hard. It will cost me everything I own, and hurt as it develops me and draws me closer to God. I still need to raise a lot, only now my attitude has changed. I know that God is capable of providing for me. I know that he will provide if it is His will for next year. I used to be stressed about it where I could hardly sleep. Now I have a peace about me over next year, and instead of stressing I depend on God. Taking a decision to live by faith has been tough, but worth it.