Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices in the truth

"Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in the truth" (1 Corinthians 13:6)

This is one of the characteristics of love that Paul mentions in 1 Corinthians 13 that I really had no understanding about until benefiting from the wisdom of some of the authors of biblical commentaries (though I thought I did). To me, I just read it as 'love is not evil but good', and thought that so obvious that I glanced over it without letting this sink into my life, like scripture can do. I have since been very challenged by this verse this week. It is also the first time taking a whole verse at a time, but I think that in being opposites, 'delighting in evil' and 'rejoicing in the truth' need to be explored in one evening. The Greek is closer to 'doesn't rejoice at unrighteousness (literally the opposite of right living, instead of evil) however rejoices with the truth'. Notice at and with. Truth doesn't just mean the opposite of lies, but what is real; and more than that, 'truth' is used by Jesus to mean walking in relationship with Him, and Jesus even calls Himself 'the truth' (John 14:6). I want to take three lessons from this verse that depends on how you might translate it.

1) doesn't delight in other's vices, but rejoices in their virtues

US Weekly Magazine. 25/7/12

Most of the commentaries seem to interpret verse 6 this way. This interpretation says that if you love someone, or if you are a loving person, you do not enjoy exposing what people have done wrong, dwelling on it, and judging the person because they are like that; instead you are excited when they do good things, and celebrate those accomplishments. 

My first thought of this was that I do not delight in people getting things wrong, then I thought more about it, and thought more about our culture. Our media thrives on the failings of others. The more famous someone seems to be, the more open they are to scrutiny, and the better reports sell of their failures. We read daily about who is having an affair with who, what marriages have failed, who has been sent to prison, or who is having a break down; gossip magazines gloat over the best picture of the most beautiful celebrities having a 'bad hair day', or wearing a disaster of a clothing combo; real-people magazine is full of pages about how people have been abused, mistreated or have strange fetishes that most readers disprove of; our football conversations or political critiques focus on how members in the sports of political teams have failed us; our economic news shouts about which country's currency has died or who has the highest unemployment; our news on the health service looks at when doctors make mistakes, long waiting lists, and the patient who had a scalpel left in after surgery and is taking the financially poor NHS to court because they set of metal alarms at Tescos. The failure of others is the product our media so often sells. How often instead do we read about a successful long happy marriage, people holding down an honest job, pictures complementing people who have dressed the way they want to, stories of good deeds that people have done for one another, the good choices our government or favourite football manager has made, how successful operations have saved millions of people's lives and general stories of good things that people have done. Our culture delights in others' failures, and so not surprisingly so do we? We like it when others fail because they seem more human, but it can go further than that and we can take great delight in it.

True love is the other way around to media, and something we can all work towards. It has already been mentioned that love is not jealous, and that is true. Love notices when people do a good job, when they succeed, when they are virtuous living a good life and serving, it notices love and rejoices with it. If someone on your course, workplace, or family is really happy/ works hard/ doesn't seem to mess up as much as the rest of us/ is easy to get on with or does anything else you consider good (to be living in the truth) then that is great. Imagine if instead of getting jealous of other's successes, we got excited for them with it. The book I am reading atm defines love as "the will to extend one's self for the purpose of nurturing one's own or another's spiritual growth" (Scott, 1990:81). If we exerted ourselves to love, and in loving wanted to see people develop, and in wanting that development rejoiced and rewarded people when they do things advantageous to their growth, and did not damage people's growth by destroying them at the slightest mistake, then I think we would all grow a lot more and a lot quicker than we do. Imagine I employ you to sort a bucket of fake and real £1 and show you how to distinguish between the two, I pay you a set wage but tell you that when you make a mistake I will reduce your wage, and it will be held on your record. How will your work ethic be by virtue of my focus on your failures? Imagine I employ you for the same job, except instead of docking your pay for mistakes, I promise to reward you if you do well, and keep note of your success (will your work ethic be any different?). Rejoicing with the truth that others do instead of delighting in their mistakes.

2) does not delight in evil, but rejoices in the truth

This was how I interpreted the verse before reading commentaries. Quite simply, a loving person does not act evilly towards others. If you love someone you do not steal from them, or hurt them, or wish them wrong maliciously or vengefully, it doesn't plot against people, or seek to ruin them. On the contrary, love rejoices with the truth. Loving people act kindly, they want to see people grow and develop, they seek charity and virtues. Seeing as God is love, and God is truth, we love as we walk with God. Love is not an evil thing, but good.

3) does not dwell on one's own evil, but focuses rejoicing with good things done

"...let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us" (Hebrews 12:2)

I have started a Christian year long 12 step program called Celebrate Recovery, and they mentioned this verse yesterday. Between that and the book I'm on by Joyce Mayer's, I got thinking about our thought patterns. Hebrews 12 says that things (evil) can wrap themselves round us and trip us up so we cannot run the race of truth, so let's throw those things off to run. I am saying here that let's not get caught up on our own failures which needn't destroy or define us. We can be set free by the cross from the guilt of our evils. If our map of ourselves is designed on what we do wrong, and we focus negatively on ourselves ignoring the positive and noticing the negatives then we will view ourselves as negative people (this is pretty much what CBT seeks to do - change our self image away from negative destructive thinking).

"...whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things" (Phillipians 4:8)

Instead of focusing on all the negatives let's instead choose to focus positively. Let's think about the true, right, pure, lovely, admirable things in ourselves and in so doing become that kind of person; instead of a tangled up runner, let's remember all the training we've done for this race, and the people gathered to cheer us on (Heb 12:1). If we want to love ourselves, and see ourselves grow, then making the difficult decision to move on from our failures and rejoice in our successes will be the best for us. Being an optimist is a particular challenge I personally have to work very hard at, but I recognise the benefits in my own life of choosing to focus on good things that build me up, instead of being beaten down by bad things or mistakes I make.

God guide

love
xSx

Note
One may interpret that from this entery: we should not point out the troubles in one another's lives, and that there is nothing wrong with sin - on the contrary it is a natural part of life we should choose to ignore. This is not the position I hold in either case.

Galatians 6:1-2 says that we should gently restore people who are caught up in mess. If someone is continually deliberately messing up in a way that is bad for them and those around them it would be unloving to ignore it completely. A loving thing to do is for someone at some point to point this out. It needs to be done with the utmost of love and gentleness though - not out of self-righteousness or to put them down, but because you recognise there behaviour is wrong for them and others, and needs improving. Do think and pray about it before being assertive in correcting (is it loving? Will it benefit them? Is it an actual problem or just something that annoys you? Is it them that needs changing or you? Is it the right time to correct them? Will they listen to you, and are you an appropriate person to make this correction or would someone else be better? Are they ready for this criticism? Have you prayed about the decision? Are you being influenced strongly by your emotions, in which case would it be better to correct when you have calmed yourself? Why are you correcting them?). I can remember numerous character traits, sins, habits and negative behaviours that people have picked me up on in love, and it has made me a better person; likewise there are times when people have said things to me that have not developed me, or even made me worse, when it would have been wiser to wait.

Sin is very serious, and though it is natural that we do it in this fallen world, that does not mean we should accept it. We should make every effort to combat it, but don't beat yourself up when you fail. The cross takes our sin, don't take it back from it. 

Update:

Since starting this blog I became a Counsellor. You can read more on blog on subjects like Therapy at:

 www.simonslistening.co.uk 

Love keeps no record of wrongs

"[Love] keeps no records of wrongs" (1 Corinthians 13:5)

Is another characteristic of love, as portrait by Paul to the church in Corinth. Different translations of the bible treat this as forgiving (or not recording wrongs), not thinking or entertaining evil thoughts and not being resentful. The Greek is 'doesn't' 'impose' 'any' 'evil', but whilst love is not evil (see verse 6), this is not what verse 5 is highlighting. Instead it is better expanded to 'love does not think evil of what is done to it'. The commentaries interpret this as firstly showing forgiveness and secondly, an absence of suspicion (to not assume that people are acting instead out of evil intents, but are sincere so not needing their actions questioned, gives people the 'benefit of the doubt' assuming good motives). Verse 7 says love "always trusts", so the absence of suspicion will be looked at there, and instead I intend on looking at forgiveness here.

I mentioned earlier that the word used for love here was agape, which was a selfless unconditional love best demonstrated by God. God has every reason to reject us because of our complete incapability of living right because "all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God" (Romans 3:23). "God is light, in Him there is no darkness at all" (1 John 1:5), but all of us have been, can be, and continue to be pretty dark. We can give nothing to God, and deserve nothing from Him, but in our darkness He comes to earth and dies in place of us. God forgives us; he does not ignore the sin (because sin is serious and needs to be dealt with), but He loves us despite it, and even though it is painful and costly, He forgives us freely for all of it, if we know Him. Christ is our model for forgiving because He forgave the most extreme hurts (even those who crucified Him. Before He called His twelve disciples He knew they would forsake or betray Him, yet He chose them). We forgive not only to better model the life of Jesus, but also because we ourselves are forgiven:

⁸ If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. ⁹ If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness (1 John 1:8-9).

We are not just forgiven either, but that sin is gone and not held against us

as far as the east is from the west,
    so far has he removed our transgressions from us (Psalm 103:12).

to the extent that God chooses to actually forget the sins we have confessed to Him and turned from (Hebrew 8:12; Isaiah 43:25). Because we are forgiven for EVERYTHING we do wrong, and do not need to be living in guilt and shame by being defined by our past sins (instead we are as 'light' as Jesus. Today I remembered, out of the blue, some things I had done in the past that let people down, or I regretted, like not visiting dad when he was in the hospital a few years back. I think I remembered them to write this: our past mistakes/ sins/ failures do not define us when we are living in the forgiveness of Christ), we can forgive others for the little things they do. Jesus told a parable in Matthew 18:21-35 to illustrate this.

The second reason we forgive is because it is good for us, therapeutic even. Buddha said that "holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one getting burned". I think the same is so with holding a grudge, wanting revenge, hating or refusing to forgive. You feel negative whenever that person is mentioned, you are unable to talk to them without feeling emotional or hurt. It costs to forgive someone, it costs because we have to give up on a justice to injustices caused us and let someone off. It costs more to not forgive and hold onto what was done wrong to you all that time. There was a kid in secondary school who bullied me (no idea what's happening to him now, but I honestly wish him the best), if I still refused to forgive him then it would be costing me still, and he would be succeeding in bullying me still by me bullying myself by refusing to move past an experience. Forgiving is a massive release, and when you forgive someone for something they have done to you, you are no longer being hurt by it - that person has NOTHING on you, you are free. Forgiveness is a hugely releasing part of therapy. 


I have a friend from church who ran Alpha, Marcus, to thank for much of this post, in particular this next paragraph. There are different types of forgiveness, and even layers to it. There is:
Forgiveness before God: Whenever we forgive someone before God, they are forgiven. There is no question about it, we are told to forgive, and when we do it is gone. Likewise, when we ask God for forgiveness in faith through Christ, we are forgiven and it is gone. Even the criminal crucified next to Jesus on the cross who deserved crucifixion was forgiven, and more than that his sins were forgotten and gone through the cross.
Social Forgiveness: A murderer who regrets his murder and decides to stop murdering is forgiven, by faith in Christ, and the Holy Spirit will work to sanctify him. He is forgiven before God, but not before people. Even if the murderer's life was completely changed around, the judge would still weigh up the evidence, and send him to prison to serve his sentence. People may not accept your forgiveness, or forgive you; do what you can to right relations living peaceably to build each other up, but if people refuse to forgive you, know that you are still forgiven before God. God forgives sin and its spiritual consequences are removed; but it still has affects on relationships, and consequences in the world that are not so quickly gone. We do not have the power to forget, and sometimes we have to forgive in layers, but keep working at it so you can be free and grow in love. I think also that you can forgive someone before God, and socially, but it is understandable that this affects relationships (i.e. forgiving someone for theft is one thing, but then going on to live with them is a whole new layer of forgiveness? I am up for discussion on this and the tensions between forgiveness, trust and its affects on responsibilities). 

True love is not destroyed by evil, but moves past sin, sees everyone as sinners who sin, and loves them despite their sins. I am reading about love and dependency at the moment (Scott, 1990), today I read that it is foolish to idolise someone and assume they are perfect (like we can in dependant relationships) because they will let you down. Scott says that instead we need to be independent where our happiness does not depend on others. Instead though, we can depend on God, because God does not need to be forgiven, He is light and in Him is no darkness, He is dependable, and setting our hopes on Him means we will never be let down. 

Lets end in the Lord's prayer:

⁹ “This, then, is how you should pray:

“‘Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name,
¹⁰ your kingdom come,
your will be done,
    on earth as it is in heaven.
¹¹ Give us today our daily bread.
¹² And forgive us our debts,
    as we also have forgiven our debtors.
¹³ And lead us not into temptation,
    but deliver us from the evil one.’
(Matthew 6:9-13)

God guide

xSx

Update:

Since starting this blog I became a Counsellor. You can read more on blog on subjects like Therapy at:

 www.simonslistening.co.uk 

Love is not easily angered

[Love] is not easily angered (1 Cor 13:5)

Bruce Banner's anger turned him into an
uncontrollable monster, the Hulk; but anger
doesn't make most of us a super hero.

'Easily angered' is another word describing what true agape love is not according to Paul in his letter to the Corinthian church. It means to be provoked or angered. The Greek word literally means 'alongside a sharp edge', to be 'jabbed' by someone with a sharp implement (HELP, 2011). It conveys being upset by someone when they do something that grinds on you so the sharp object is pushed up against you until you are frustrated. It could then be left at 'love does not get angry easily'; but instead of anger, frustrated/ stirred/ provoked/ irritated/ offended could be used. Some of us may feel a burning anger, and this might even come out where we loose control of ourselves and the anger could lead to dark thoughts, words we regret, or violence. Others of us might feel and express anger less than others, and perhaps there is another emotion that takes its place? 

For myself, there are not so frequently little things that people do that make me get angry with them easily so I loose control and end up being violent, shouting at them and causing a scene. Instead there are little things that people do, or certain things that people say that hit a nerve. Instead of shouting at them confrontationally, I tend to withdraw, sulk or feel bitter about it for ages until I decide to move past it, or talk about the little thing. There are times when I am not being truly loving because I am loving those people until they do those little things, my love is limited. My standards for them are too high because I'm being too grouchy, too sensitive, to easily offended. I get 'easily angered' when complete strangers do not say hello to me when I greet them (I currently work in a shop, so greeting strangers is not completely unnatural). Strangers rarely greet in central Oxford, but I feel offended if people do not say hello back. There is nothing wrong with them for just walking by, and a significant number do, but it can often make me wonder what the point in being friendly is.  When I think about it, taking offence and thinking someone is rude or ignorant because they ignore me is irrational. Taking offence at people not saying hello is worst when I feel tiered or weak in mood. Taking offence is also cumulative, and before long you only notice those who don't say 'hi' and grow steadily bitterer through the day. There is though no point in this, and it just makes me worse off. I have learnt that being offended easily is of no benefit. If I instead greet people with no expectation of a reply, and deciding to be loving irrespective of their reply (or lack there of) then I can be sincere, feel more motivated and happy in myself, and the day is better for everyone. I could be more honest and list a tonne of things that can offend me (as I am sure can you, I have a friend who gets REALLY upset if someone is sniffing for example), but I expect you have your own list, and things that are more meaningful than my examples.  I tell you, we all have the power to choose to accept people, though they do things we don't like, and in accepting them without taking offence we see just how beautiful they really are. Some of the most amazing customers are those I have expected to be a 'hand-full', and I could tell a few more stories of how people have surprised me, and I have been pleased to take down a wall of prejudice for the way I thought they'd be. People will inevitable do things that annoy us (even people we really love, and think are totally brilliant), but let's choose to give them grace, and let those little things go; to look past it, and love them instead of being 'easily angered'.

^{25 "}Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbour, for we are all members of one body.²⁶ “In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry" (Ephesians 4:25-6)

¹⁹ My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, ²⁰ because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. ²¹ Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you. (James 1:19-21)  
God guide
xSx

p.s. I mentioned that I am most ungracious, and easily angered when I am tiered. I learned through last year's lent that I am much more content loving person when I get my 8 hours sleep. It's a simple thing to do, so I try and do it. If there are little tiny things you can do to improve life, go for it. 

Update:

Since starting this blog I became a Counsellor. You can read more on blog on subjects like Therapy at:

 www.simonslistening.co.uk 

Love is not self-seeking

"[love] is not self seeking" (1 Corinthians 13:5)

self-seeking continues as another description of love according to Paul in his letter to the Corinthian church. By now the list is growing to example and test what true love is like. This characteristic of what love is not is (in three Greek words) seeking the things of its own. The route of the word for 'seek' is the same as used in a question or dispute where an answer is being searched for. It captures effort involved in the process of finding out an answer towards "getting to the bottom of a matter" (HELPS, 2011). Love is not then trying to get answers for the profit of yourself. It is not selfish.

I want to post another day about the word 'love' in the bible (because Greek has a few words for 'love', unlike English where we use the same word for the love we have for partners, children, hobbies and chocolate), but in brief the word used for love in 1 Corinthians 13 is not a romantic love. Romantic love is 'eros' (we get the word erotic from it), and that is the kind of love that characterises romantic relationships (so 1 Corinthians 13 is useful for all people whatever their relationship status, and not just at weddings). The word used for love in 1 Corinthians 13 is agape. Agape (a-ga-pay) is a Greek transliteration of the Hebrew (what the Old Testament was written in) word 'hesed'. Hesed is translated into English as 'steadfast'/'unfailing'/'unconditional'/ 'faithful' love. It is the unilateral love that God shows to His people. More simply, agape/ hesed is best exampled by God's love for His people because He loves them even though they continually mess up. God loves His people, though He created them and gave them everything so there is nothing they can repay Him with. God has no reason to love His people, 'He loves them because He loves them'. This is agape, this is the kind of love Paul is encouraging the church to model. The way I have best understood this is by an Old Testament Prophet called Hosea. In Hosea chapters 1-3, God tells Hosea to marry an adulterous/ promiscuous/ unfaithful girl. He marries Gomer (who was probably a prostitute) knowing she was going to cheat on him. Gomer ends up doing just that, but Hosea carries on loving her and in chapter 3 buys her back from the men she's sold herself to. He knew what she was like before he married her, and she continues in that nature, but he carried on loving her irrelevant and though it must have killed him emotionally inside to do so. All the while he's doing this, Hosea is prophesying the same message from God, and feeling the same feelings of love, yet rejection, at his love's unfaithfulness. You see, God loved the Israelites, but they kept abandoning Him as God and going after the local Gods (like Baal and Asherah). The Israelites get taken into exile in punishment for their unfaithfulness, but even though they hurt God so much by going after other Gods, He still loves them, and still wants to be with them (Ezekiel 16 has a similar prophetic message). God is the same in the New Testament, He loves His people so much that he becomes one of them - a human in a fallen world. He becomes one, lives with them, and eventually gives His own life to pay for all the unfaithfulness of His people. "Greater love has no man than this, that he lay down his life for his friends" (John 15:13), and this is exactly what Jesus did; though His people did not deserve it, though they continually turned against Him betraying Him and nailing Him to a cross, though the church is NOT perfect, and ALL Christians continually reject Jesus, mess up and don't live lives of love; though all of this, He chose to die for us. He realised that we were too messed up to turn towards Him (we were all like Gomer - prostitutes in nature), and the only way to restore the relationship was for Him to show His love by dying for us and giving us His Spirit to restore that broken relationship. This is agape, this is love - 'love is not self-seeking'.

Agape is the love that is modelled to us, and it is a love we can also live. One of the scientists we looked at a lot in my degree was a scientist called Richard Dawkins (a remarkable biologist in fairness). Dawkins wrote a book called "the selfish gene theory" in which he said that we do everything to propagate our own genetic information, and all behaviour is in effect to maximise what we pass on to the next generation. Kindness is simply something we do to ensure the survival of our genes. I think he would say that everything we do is ultimately selfish, and indeed this line of reasoning can be applied to most actions and argued in his favour, but do we only act to benefit ourselves? Love is not self-seeking, God is love, and living in love is living in God (1 John 4:16). Perhaps we live in love for a 'good feeling', or some obligation or a sense of responsibility, perhaps we love because it could win us favours, or in the hope of some divine reward, maybe we love people because they make us feel good and we quite like them - all of this is true and it is a good reason to love, but we can also love for no other reason other than because we decide to love people. I tell you the truth, when you love even though it is costly, there you will find the greatest reward. When we only love something because of what it can give us, our love is limited, and our motivations towards it bitter and demanding. I believe love is a choice, if it wasn't then Jesus would not command His disciples to love (John 13:34), if we could not choose to love then Paul wouldn't bother telling the Corinthian church what love is like. Choose to love people and you will see a whole new side to them.  

Human Forms Art Exhibition, 2012; Stockton Riverside College

You could look at this art piece and move on quickly or exit. Leave it, pass it by without love. You might think it is beautiful, abstract, ugly, great, rubbish, expressive - I don't know. It's more amazing however if we take time to love it. This is a BTEC student's final piece. A student will have spent weeks on this painting; thinking about it, panting it, writing about the ideas behind it. This is not just blotches of paint on a canvas, this is well planned out. People are the same, each of them are amazing and have so much detail if we are willing to appreciate and understand it. Is it worth while getting to love what we do not love? In a challenge to myself, I have decided that I need to give 'Dubstep' a chance today.

God guide

love

xSx

  Update:

Since starting this blog I became a Counsellor. You can read more on blog on subjects like Therapy at:

 www.simonslistening.co.uk 

Stacio Orrico, Without Love

No Post on 1 Cor 13 today, but Stacie Orrico has a great song on it that I really enjoy.

I have been learning a lot about justification by faith this year. Quite simply, it means that we are forgiven for all of the wrong we have ever done not because we are really good, but because Jesus was, and died for our sins. We therefore have no condemnation (Ro 8:1) because "greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends" and you are Jesus' chosen friends, and not servants, if you do what he commands, and he commands us to love one another (John 15:12-7 paraphrased) and believe in Him. Love sums up all commandments (Mt 22:27-40), God is love (1 John 4:16).

14 For this reason I kneel before the Father, 15 from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name. 16 I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18 may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19 and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God (Ephesians 4:14-19, NIV)
xSx

Update:

Since starting this blog I became a Counsellor. You can read more on blog on subjects like Therapy at:

 www.simonslistening.co.uk 

Love does not dishonour others

"[Love] does not dishonour others" (1 Corinthians 13:5)

Einsteing With His Tongue Out. Arthur Sasse, 1951

This is the first love characteristic of 1 Corinthians 13:5 which was written to show what genuine love is really like. The Greek word used here is translated as rude in the NIV 1984, whereas the above version uses 'dishonour others'. Other versions say acting unbecomingly, unseemly, or shamefully. The actual Greek word derives from a word which literally means 'without shape'. To be acting indecently against the shape that is normal for a person - to be indecent and so rude. Winter (1998:78) said the word can have "strong sexual innuendos" relating to sexual behaviour and nakedness, but is not in itself sexual, and being "without shape" could likewise apply to interrupting conversation, spitting, drunkenness and many other things (p79) as exampled by the word's use outside of scripture. It would seem then that rude is an adequate word to use. My mum brought me up to think it rude if we don't say please and thank you, or eat with elbows on the table; it was rude to point, or stick my tongue out at people; a rude joke tends to be sexual in content; or when I come into a conversation and ask what it was about, and people say 'don't worry, it's a bit rude', you assume they were talking about something sexual or involving nakedness and if I thought of a rude film, I'd think of the carry ons or American Pie. In the same way that rudeness involves a great deal of different things in English, it would seem to be the same in Greek.

It would be interesting to examine the anthropology of rudeness, to see what it means to different culture? In most cultures thumbs up means OK, it's a good gesture; but if you do it in Greece it's an insult. You want to say the olives the guy on the market place sold you are delicious, but instead you might as well have stuck your middle finger up at him. I think the same is so for rudeness, and it involves knowing the person you are with. Is there any behaviours you might have with your partner or friend that they might consider rude? 1 Corinthians 8 says we can eat any meat, but if eating meat that's been sacrificed to an idol upsets someone then don't do it. In the same way, if you love someone you will act appropriately towards them and not stick your thumbs up at the Greek market man, even though it feels fine for you, and you see nothing wrong with it. Let's make every effort to not be rude, so that we do not upset those we love, and act without love. There are other behaviours that I imagine we would find are universally rude in our anthropological study. No matter what culture you go to, I imagine it to be rude to spit your food out, and then eat it again. In the same way there are things we know are rude from scripture, our culture and common sense.

In there any way that you are acting 'without shape'/ inappropriately/ rudely that is affecting the people you love? Or is someone else acting inappropriately towards you. Are you with a group of people where you struggle to be appropriate?

God guide, guard and inspire you
xSx

Update:

Since starting this blog I became a Counsellor. You can read more on blog on subjects like Therapy at:

 www.simonslistening.co.uk 

Love does not boast, it is not proud

"...[love] does not boast, it is not proud"

This ends the attributes of love mentioned in 1 Corinthians 13:4, which Paul wrote to the church in Corinth to demonstrate true agape love. Why does this post have two characteristics? It may be because I realise that this is the fourth post on one verse, and there are five verses of love characteristics, it may be because I can't think of enough to say on one of them; but more so, it's because I believe that pride and boasting are linked together - boasting can come from pride.

photo by Fool-On-The-Hill, 2011

The Greek word for pride used here literally means to 'puff up' or inflate. When I think of puffing up, I imagine pigeons when they court, and the male swells his head up to impress the female. It looks quite silly when you see them in a park, but to lady pigeons it's quite impressive. I wonder if God sees us the same, when we puff ourselves up and walk around trying to impress people. It may look very impressive to the other pigeons, but a pigeon can't be puffed up all the time - it's just not practical. I wonder if God looks at the little things that we think are so great the same way that I look at the pigeons as they bob there big heads around at other pigeons?

Pride is a bit of a silent sin. We all make mistakes, and often those mistakes can make us feel condemned or upset. This is unhealthy because we don't want to walk around in guilt, and we don't need to be guilty any more, we are freed from that, and made pure in Christ (Romans 8:1-4). Guilt can make us ineffective and self-condemning, but pride is the exact opposite. We don't get prideful when we make mistakes, we get prideful when we do things well, or obtain, or are excessively pleased with something. Instead of condemning ourselves, we idolise ourselves and think ourselves grander than we are. This has the danger of making us overly independent, when we are a communal creature dependant on God. It puts our satisfaction in our accomplishments, when we are made pure through faith and not works (Ephesians 2:8-9). There is also a problem in having our security in our accomplishments, because we are only happy when we are doing well - which is a lot of pressure. If you take pride, and identify in your: relationship, or job, or bank statement, or ability to play guitar then what happens if your job or relationship ends? What happens when during the recession? What happens if you sprain your wrist and can't rock out? When we are only made by what we have done, we are vulnerable, how much more valuable would it be to be content in all circumstances, because our contentment isn't in us which changes so much, but in that unchangeable faithful higher power (Philippians 4:10-13).

What I am not saying is that there is anything wrong in delighting in what you accomplish, what goes well, and the amazing things in your life, but rather become thankful and happy in these. Mark Buchanan, in his book, 'The Holy Wild', gives a story about putting paving slabs out in the back garden, and recognising that is was a day well spent, being quite pleased with how it all went. This thought can take over, until he turns it into pride. Instead of: I am amazing at me because I have done this, his thinking was 'I am glad that I spent the day doing this, thank you Lord that this happened'. The glory went from himself to God. Now, the same's on facebook or blogger. We all love it when people comment and like us, when the stats of visits are high, when we are noticed; because we all love being noticed and, in turn, noticing others. My heart is for pastoral care, because I think a fundamental desire for humanity is the desire to be listened to, and in turn it's a privilege to listen to people's deep stories. I've really enjoyed researching around Corinthians also, and when people comment it is nice, but there is that danger of pride sneaking in. In those moments it has been important to not puff myself up because I have spent an evening doing something I am pleased with, but to give glory to God, and think about why I did it. I write this blog  because it helps me to come understand scripture and process the ways God nudges me in life, I write it to tell people I love what God is doing in my life, I write it in the hope that stuff I have learnt or experience might in some way help others along in their journey. I never started blogging so people would like me, or to feel good about myself; and when that thinking starts to get hold I need to remember the truthful reason why I am writing about love atm, because love is not prideful. It has also been so nice to turn any reliance on myself as knowledge and experiences increase into worship of the one who has given me all things I have and am.

Yesterday I went to a wedding (which was beautiful and amazing, everyone looked beautiful in their dresses and suits, and likewise I took time to prepare for the wedding and look good for the occasion in a suit). I was not sure if it would rain so carried a rain coat with me. The coat is brilliant at keeping you dry, but is not fashionable or lovely looking. As I travelled home afterwards on the bus I wore my coat. With my coat done-up I looked distinctly average, or even scruffy; anyone who saw me would never know that I was dressed for a wedding, but I knew that underneath I was dressed for a wedding. The coat was like humility, and I was grateful for it. I felt happy in myself sitting on that bus, having a nice chat with the driver before, and I did not need to take my coat off and 'puff-up' my suit and tie to be happy. I guess that is what life becomes as we grow. We all are made so beautifully, and we have been given talents, possessions and skills for good uses. We know we have these, we can delight in them, but let's know that we are wearing them, and not feel as though we need to show them off boastfully to be happy. 

I heard someone say that they felt like a trophy in their relationship, and that got me thinking: How often are our loves an accessory to life? Relationships are fundamentally about people relating. Pride is about dependence on oneself. Relating and arrogance are incompatible. We do not love to feel good about ourselves, but in relationship. I plan to speak later about the Greek word love, but the word used in 1 Corinthians 13 is agape. This word is an 'unconditional love' that loves irrespective of the other person. This kind of love does not love so it can puff itself up and boast about the love itself, but it loves because it cares about the subject of the affection.

In what ways are you overly depending on yourself? How would you feel if that accomplishment changed? Can that accomplishment turn from the slippery slope of pride into appreciation and thankfulness?
God guide
xSx

Update:

Since starting this blog I became a Counsellor. You can read more on blog on subjects like Therapy at:

 www.simonslistening.co.uk 

Love does not envy

"...[love] does not envy" (1 Corinthians 13:4)

Paul carries on listing the attributes of love to the church in Corinth, a city which by their deity should model love, but rather Paul readdresses what love really is. This particular attribute is the absence of jealousy. The word for envy is ζηλόω, and it has the same meaning

 as it does in English. The Greek word (zeloo) comes from the same root as the word 'zealous', it literally describes the sound of water as it boils over, and that is how jealousy is. It's a dark nasty emotion where you see something in (or that belongs) to someone else that you are so zealous for, that you want SO much, that you bubble up, and boil over. When cooking dinner today the sauce boiled over a little, and we know it's bad when it stains the cooker. The same's so with jealousy, it builds and comes out in nasty ways. I have a confession to make, in that jealousy is the dark emotion I have battled with most within relationships (1 Cor 13 is not about relationships or romantic eros love, but agape love - I'll mention that another day, but it certainly helps with eros love). The trouble is that when we're jealous of someone we cannot trust them, or it creates a wall between them.

In the Old Testament God told the Israelites how to behave - He gave them some rule books (the Torah), and they had over 600 rules (thank God for Jesus so that we live under grace and not law now - or else I'd be saying sorry for bacon this breakfast). The most famous of which are the 10 commandments in Exodus 20. Of those commandments it is interesting how many of them concern jealousy. Firstly have no other gods except God because God is righteously jealous for us (and I think that's a different jealousy to the dark emotion we often exert - discuss). tenth, do not covet your neighbour's: house, wife, servants, ox, donkey, or anything that belongs to them. God through Moses couldn't have spelled it out better: the ten commandments start and finish with envy. They were commanded to not want what their neighbour (other people) have. Now, I live in a village and in honesty I've never bubbled over with zeal to the point that I selfishly hatefully WANT for the donkeys in the field down the road, but there are other ways that same characteristics present. In my case it was the fear within a relationship that the person would find someone better. This really held us back because of that wall of fear and envy*. For others perhaps the envy is different. The context of the chapter was that the church in Corinth was not using its spiritual gifts in love. 1 Cor 12 and 14 concern Spiritual gifts given by the Holy Spirit; really cool things like: wisdom, knowledge, faith, healing, miraculous power, prophesy, discernment of spirits, tongues and the interpretation of tongues (1 Cor 12:7-11). Imagine it, one person has been gifted with the gift of wisdom, and another has miraculous powers by the same Holy Spirit. Now, instead of being happy that both gifts exist in the church, the guy with wisdom is jealous and upset because someone has a gift he reckons is better than his - miraculous power. This is the context. Perhaps jealousy grabs hold of you - maybe you're also jealous within a relationship, maybe of someone else's gifts, maybe of your neighbours huge house, or the girl at work's beautiful figure; maybe it's the job that a guy in your class at school has, or the number of 0s in your brother's bank account; it could be the little baby next door, or maybe you're jealous of the boy in school who's mushy monster's collection is complete. It's not just ox and donkeys, we can be jealous over many things.

*I have to choose to keep defeating jealousy. I'd lie if I said that I'm never tempted, but it no longer gets a hold on me, and by the grace of God renewing my mind, it is not a problem so much any more. Firstly Michael came to lecture us at bible college. I told him that it was becoming a bit of a barrier in a relationship, and I wanted to break free of it. His answer was very helpful and inspiring. He told me that jealousy is fundamentally rooted in the belief that we believe better, and God is holding out on us. I was shocked that I needed to repent of it, but it actually helped. God has given me, Simon, everything I need. I believe He has a plan for my life, and has everything in His control (I'm increasingly Calvinist). It is OK to ask from God, in fact the bible outright encourages it (Luke 11:11-13), but we are also made as individuals. God does not want me to be someone else, there are some amazing people in the world I've met, but I don't want to be them, and they should not want to be me, because we are all created individually, knitted together in our mother's womb (Psalm 139 is about us being individually crafted and known by God). Lk 12:22-34 says not to worry about life, because God provides. I realised that instead of thinking about what I want, and being jealous if things didn't go that way, I should be thankful for what I do have and pursue the path that God has for me. Michael's advice really helped, but the emotion kept resurfacing. In the end the thing that helped me most was a few week's devotions on peace (I am reading Joyce Meyer's 'power thoughts' that have been good on peace recently). Instead of worrying and being more emotional (I am a feeling person, but that doesn't mean I have to be a moody person), I learnt to choose peace. Before Jesus left us he said "my peace I leave with you" (John 14:27), and Jews  greet with Shalom (peace). I think we have forgotten about peace, but peace has helped me to drop my jealousy.

Philippians 4:
4 Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5 Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

God guard
love
xSx

Update:

Since starting this blog I became a Counsellor. You can read more on blog on subjects like Therapy at:

 www.simonslistening.co.uk 

Love is kind

"...love is kind" (1 Corinthians 13:4)

Again, 1 Corinthians was written by the apostle Paul to a church in Corinth. Corinth was a Greek city taken over by Roman rule, but still Hellenistic in culture worshipping the Greek gods. In particular their patron god was Aphrodite (Perrottet, 2012), goddess of love and beauty. Having the goddess of love and beauty over their city, the Corinthian would seem to understand love; but love, sex and relationships are a major theme throughout this letter to the Corinthians because their understanding of these was skewed. In chapter 13 Paul focuses on love, and vv4-8a describe the characteristics of love. The first of these was patience and the second kindness, both of these (alongside love) are also amongst the spiritual fruits mentioned in Galations 5:22-3. That is the characteristics that result from a life empowered by the Holy Spirit, so the Spirit encourages our kindness.

The Greek (the original language of this letter) word for kindness here is χρηστεύομαι (chrésteuomai) which means (according to Strong, 5541) 'to be kind'/ mild/ to prove useful/ gentle/ full of service to others. Kindness is therefore focused on the external in meeting the needs of others. When I think of kindness I think of a few people. I think of my nan; when she goes to the supermarket she always buys chocolate and random food items she really doesn't need so she can give them away to everyone who visits her (and she's quite forceful that you take all of he Iceland spring-rolls). She is not looking for attention from doing so, she just loves expressing her kindness through generosity with food. My father has always impressed me with his kind services, loving to cut people's grass or help out with the DIY when people cannot do-it-themselves. I think of people who have made amazing sacrifices in their lives to become missionaries or work in charitable causes. I think of visiting others when they have been sick or in need of company to just genuinely be with them, and to share life, or just listen to their stories. I think of my boss who has done her friend's washing for years, I remember fellow work-mates who bring in cakes, or a little note written that really cheers someone up. Kindness can be expressed in both the extraordinary and the ordinary. In expressing kindness it costs, and that cost is not always repaid, but it does not count that cost. Instead it is concerned with what the other person is in need of, or would like. Kindness is also gentle (which will tie into the end of v4, "it does not boast, it is not proud"). Finally kindness does not always initially seem it. I remember when my hamster needed putting down that we did the 'kindest thing'? The kindest choice choice is never the easiest choice, but it comes out of a love for others. Instead of obligation, passion for people brings kindness, and as a spiritual fruit we can pray for it as a gift also.

Love is interesting. Money like coal is a finite resource in that the more you use it, the less you have. Love seems more the inverse of this. The more you give, the easier it seems to come. Likewise for kindness. Initially helping, serving or giving kindness is a sacrifice that exhausts, but it renews and becomes easier as it continues. Do you feel stirred towards being kind to anyone or thing this week? What are the needs of those around you and you could aid with a little push? What is your passion, or who do you love, and want to be kind to?

God guide
S

Update:

Since starting this blog I became a Counsellor. You can read more on blog on subjects like Therapy at:

 www.simonslistening.co.uk 

Love is patient

Love is patient (1 Corinthians 13:4)

1 Corinthians is a letter written by a guy called Paul. Paul was the most famous Christian missionary travelling around telling people about Jesus, and setting up churches. This particular letter was written to the church in Corinth, and this chapter concerns love (you may have heard it at weddings?).

Corinth wasn't the nicest of cities. There was a temple in the city to the Greek goddess Aphrodites, and this temple alone employed 1,000 prostitutes (Harris, 2003:63). We can feel like our culture is so different to anything in the bible, but throughout history we have been just as obsessed with sex, and just as much wrong went on - its a different time, but people are people. Instead of legalised prostitution in a religious temple, today we have a thriving porn industry, ever increasing sexualisation and a separation between the act and relationship (which misses a heck of a lot). The point I'm making by talking about the shrine prostitutes is that in Corinth, love was not patient, Love was a commodity, but in Paul writing this shows that it doesn't have to be, it can be something that takes time, and develops beautifully. I have a friend who made sloe gin this year, she put the sloe berries in gin and left it under her bed for months. The point was that good things do take time, and she wanted to act this out in the process of making sloe gin. Tescos do most of the things I need, so I can feel devoid of waiting, but I still remember as a child waiting for black berry season, or the snow in winter. To be honest, I'm glad that I have to wait a year for each, because too much snow (cold) or too many black berries make me sick :)

Of all the characteristics of love mentioned in 1 Cor 13, patience is the one I am learning most. Song of Songs 2:7 really spoke to me earlier this year (..."do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires"). I had been so eager to awaken romantic love, that I had not been patient enough to wait for the right timing. I now ever increasingly see waiting for the right time means that we act when the black berries are ripe, and not bitter; when ready, and not half-way-there. This doesn't just go for romantic relationships though, "patience is a [real] virtue". Waiting for the right time, and living in the waiting instead of the future when it comes (imagine a kid who spends the year talking about what Santa will bring - nightmare for mums :p). When we can be patient and wait for the right time, when waiting isn't such a bad thing, I have found that peace tends to follow. If you get time this week, why not practice patience? Stand in the longest line at the supermarket, smile in that minute your waiting behind the traffic lights and embrace every moment - even the inbetween fazes. Finally, is there anything that we need patience for, or are rushing into at the wrong time?

God guide
love
xSx

Luke 4:6

Luke 4:6
 And he said to him, “I will give you all their [the kingdom’s of the world’s] authority and splendour; it has been given to me, and I can give it to anyone I want to.

As we said yesterday, Jesus has overcome the first temptation and after 40 days in the wilderness is now being subjected to the second of three intense temptations directly from Satan. In this temptation Jesus has been shown all the kingdoms of the world, and this is where the imagination becomes temptations. It’s no longer just looking, there is a potential to disobey. If Jesus accepts this, then He will be more famous and powerful than anyone else in the whole 1^st century.

Firstly, this temptation shows just how valuable a threat Jesus is to Satan. Have you ever given in to temptation and felt a little cheated? You’re tempted, you sin and then it really wasn’t worth it. Mum used to say ‘a moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips’ when she’d be dieting. That’s probably a bit harsh, but it covers the idea of being cheated. For the person trying to diet the chocolate brownie tastes lovely and is enjoyed for about 10 minutes, but then afterwards that person feels guilty which lasts with them. To top it all off, they were desperate to lose that extra pound, and know that the sugary that was once so good is now not so much. I was thinking about this in the morning. It seems that we’re tempted with something so little, accept it, and then there are massive consequences. Genesis 3 has the Adam and Eve cursed and chucked out of the garden for eating a fruit they weren’t meant to – they were cheated, and likewise the temptation to do a sin can seem like something so worth it, but then we realise we’ve been lied to and tricked. We’ve exchanged something so beautiful for something that temporarily seemed great but leaves us unfulfilled. That was the case for us, we get offered peanuts; but Jesus gets offered EVERY KINGDOM and ALL THEIR AUTHORITY. For Satan to be making these kinds of offers to stop Jesus, we can be sure that Jesus is an important guy. Satan doesn’t want Jesus dying on the cross, he does not want humanity to have free forgiveness for sins, he wants to cut Jesus’ ministry off before it has even began; and to do so, he is willing to trade everything on earth – but this is not enough. It is not enough because Jesus has a kingdom that is not earthly, but eternal, The Kingdom of God.

Finally I want to talk about power. Rock to bread was talking had an aspect of pride in it, “If you really are the Son of God”, but Jesus overcomes it by knowing His identity. This temptation has a bit of power in it – “all their authority and splendour” were on offer. I think power is something that tempts us all, but especially for us guys. We want authority, to be recognised, to be responsible, to be over others, to be remembered. Wars are fought over power and it becomes a battle so that one person can control another. Jesus is going to overcome the need to be powerful. He has become human (Philippians 2:1-11; John 1:14) when He was God, and he was here on earth to serve humans who should be worshipping Him (John13:1-10). Jesus is the most amazing example of humility, of being willing to throw away power and the pursuit of such. He is able to do so because again He is content in His identity (not needing to have physical examples of power to know who He is) and because He loves. 1 John 4:16 says that “God is love”, Jesus was the perfect example of love. He loved the people in the world, and saw them as more valuable than the world. He was not looking to become famous (though He is the most famous man in history), He was looking to save us. When we are prideful, when power and authority is our goal, when we are more concerned with our status then our friends – let’s ask ourselves why. It’s humbling to remember the example of Christ, to know that we are loved no matter how much we have, to value loving others, and to remember that old cliché that it is not what we have that buys us happiness but something distinctly other. I was shown a video today of some very happy children in Uganda. They have very little, but there smiles are what I think we all deep down long for; and it was not power that satisfied, but a love of each day.

Update:

Since starting this blog I became a Counsellor. You can read more on blog on subjects like Therapy at:

 www.simonslistening.co.uk