Love keeps no record of wrongs

"[Love] keeps no records of wrongs" (1 Corinthians 13:5)

Is another characteristic of love, as portrait by Paul to the church in Corinth. Different translations of the bible treat this as forgiving (or not recording wrongs), not thinking or entertaining evil thoughts and not being resentful. The Greek is 'doesn't' 'impose' 'any' 'evil', but whilst love is not evil (see verse 6), this is not what verse 5 is highlighting. Instead it is better expanded to 'love does not think evil of what is done to it'. The commentaries interpret this as firstly showing forgiveness and secondly, an absence of suspicion (to not assume that people are acting instead out of evil intents, but are sincere so not needing their actions questioned, gives people the 'benefit of the doubt' assuming good motives). Verse 7 says love "always trusts", so the absence of suspicion will be looked at there, and instead I intend on looking at forgiveness here.

I mentioned earlier that the word used for love here was agape, which was a selfless unconditional love best demonstrated by God. God has every reason to reject us because of our complete incapability of living right because "all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God" (Romans 3:23). "God is light, in Him there is no darkness at all" (1 John 1:5), but all of us have been, can be, and continue to be pretty dark. We can give nothing to God, and deserve nothing from Him, but in our darkness He comes to earth and dies in place of us. God forgives us; he does not ignore the sin (because sin is serious and needs to be dealt with), but He loves us despite it, and even though it is painful and costly, He forgives us freely for all of it, if we know Him. Christ is our model for forgiving because He forgave the most extreme hurts (even those who crucified Him. Before He called His twelve disciples He knew they would forsake or betray Him, yet He chose them). We forgive not only to better model the life of Jesus, but also because we ourselves are forgiven:

⁸ If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. ⁹ If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness (1 John 1:8-9).

We are not just forgiven either, but that sin is gone and not held against us

as far as the east is from the west,
    so far has he removed our transgressions from us (Psalm 103:12).

to the extent that God chooses to actually forget the sins we have confessed to Him and turned from (Hebrew 8:12; Isaiah 43:25). Because we are forgiven for EVERYTHING we do wrong, and do not need to be living in guilt and shame by being defined by our past sins (instead we are as 'light' as Jesus. Today I remembered, out of the blue, some things I had done in the past that let people down, or I regretted, like not visiting dad when he was in the hospital a few years back. I think I remembered them to write this: our past mistakes/ sins/ failures do not define us when we are living in the forgiveness of Christ), we can forgive others for the little things they do. Jesus told a parable in Matthew 18:21-35 to illustrate this.

The second reason we forgive is because it is good for us, therapeutic even. Buddha said that "holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one getting burned". I think the same is so with holding a grudge, wanting revenge, hating or refusing to forgive. You feel negative whenever that person is mentioned, you are unable to talk to them without feeling emotional or hurt. It costs to forgive someone, it costs because we have to give up on a justice to injustices caused us and let someone off. It costs more to not forgive and hold onto what was done wrong to you all that time. There was a kid in secondary school who bullied me (no idea what's happening to him now, but I honestly wish him the best), if I still refused to forgive him then it would be costing me still, and he would be succeeding in bullying me still by me bullying myself by refusing to move past an experience. Forgiving is a massive release, and when you forgive someone for something they have done to you, you are no longer being hurt by it - that person has NOTHING on you, you are free. Forgiveness is a hugely releasing part of therapy. 


I have a friend from church who ran Alpha, Marcus, to thank for much of this post, in particular this next paragraph. There are different types of forgiveness, and even layers to it. There is:
Forgiveness before God: Whenever we forgive someone before God, they are forgiven. There is no question about it, we are told to forgive, and when we do it is gone. Likewise, when we ask God for forgiveness in faith through Christ, we are forgiven and it is gone. Even the criminal crucified next to Jesus on the cross who deserved crucifixion was forgiven, and more than that his sins were forgotten and gone through the cross.
Social Forgiveness: A murderer who regrets his murder and decides to stop murdering is forgiven, by faith in Christ, and the Holy Spirit will work to sanctify him. He is forgiven before God, but not before people. Even if the murderer's life was completely changed around, the judge would still weigh up the evidence, and send him to prison to serve his sentence. People may not accept your forgiveness, or forgive you; do what you can to right relations living peaceably to build each other up, but if people refuse to forgive you, know that you are still forgiven before God. God forgives sin and its spiritual consequences are removed; but it still has affects on relationships, and consequences in the world that are not so quickly gone. We do not have the power to forget, and sometimes we have to forgive in layers, but keep working at it so you can be free and grow in love. I think also that you can forgive someone before God, and socially, but it is understandable that this affects relationships (i.e. forgiving someone for theft is one thing, but then going on to live with them is a whole new layer of forgiveness? I am up for discussion on this and the tensions between forgiveness, trust and its affects on responsibilities). 

True love is not destroyed by evil, but moves past sin, sees everyone as sinners who sin, and loves them despite their sins. I am reading about love and dependency at the moment (Scott, 1990), today I read that it is foolish to idolise someone and assume they are perfect (like we can in dependant relationships) because they will let you down. Scott says that instead we need to be independent where our happiness does not depend on others. Instead though, we can depend on God, because God does not need to be forgiven, He is light and in Him is no darkness, He is dependable, and setting our hopes on Him means we will never be let down. 

Lets end in the Lord's prayer:

⁹ “This, then, is how you should pray:

“‘Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name,
¹⁰ your kingdom come,
your will be done,
    on earth as it is in heaven.
¹¹ Give us today our daily bread.
¹² And forgive us our debts,
    as we also have forgiven our debtors.
¹³ And lead us not into temptation,
    but deliver us from the evil one.’
(Matthew 6:9-13)

God guide

xSx

Update:

Since starting this blog I became a Counsellor. You can read more on blog on subjects like Therapy at:

 www.simonslistening.co.uk 

Love is not easily angered

[Love] is not easily angered (1 Cor 13:5)

Bruce Banner's anger turned him into an
uncontrollable monster, the Hulk; but anger
doesn't make most of us a super hero.

'Easily angered' is another word describing what true agape love is not according to Paul in his letter to the Corinthian church. It means to be provoked or angered. The Greek word literally means 'alongside a sharp edge', to be 'jabbed' by someone with a sharp implement (HELP, 2011). It conveys being upset by someone when they do something that grinds on you so the sharp object is pushed up against you until you are frustrated. It could then be left at 'love does not get angry easily'; but instead of anger, frustrated/ stirred/ provoked/ irritated/ offended could be used. Some of us may feel a burning anger, and this might even come out where we loose control of ourselves and the anger could lead to dark thoughts, words we regret, or violence. Others of us might feel and express anger less than others, and perhaps there is another emotion that takes its place? 

For myself, there are not so frequently little things that people do that make me get angry with them easily so I loose control and end up being violent, shouting at them and causing a scene. Instead there are little things that people do, or certain things that people say that hit a nerve. Instead of shouting at them confrontationally, I tend to withdraw, sulk or feel bitter about it for ages until I decide to move past it, or talk about the little thing. There are times when I am not being truly loving because I am loving those people until they do those little things, my love is limited. My standards for them are too high because I'm being too grouchy, too sensitive, to easily offended. I get 'easily angered' when complete strangers do not say hello to me when I greet them (I currently work in a shop, so greeting strangers is not completely unnatural). Strangers rarely greet in central Oxford, but I feel offended if people do not say hello back. There is nothing wrong with them for just walking by, and a significant number do, but it can often make me wonder what the point in being friendly is.  When I think about it, taking offence and thinking someone is rude or ignorant because they ignore me is irrational. Taking offence at people not saying hello is worst when I feel tiered or weak in mood. Taking offence is also cumulative, and before long you only notice those who don't say 'hi' and grow steadily bitterer through the day. There is though no point in this, and it just makes me worse off. I have learnt that being offended easily is of no benefit. If I instead greet people with no expectation of a reply, and deciding to be loving irrespective of their reply (or lack there of) then I can be sincere, feel more motivated and happy in myself, and the day is better for everyone. I could be more honest and list a tonne of things that can offend me (as I am sure can you, I have a friend who gets REALLY upset if someone is sniffing for example), but I expect you have your own list, and things that are more meaningful than my examples.  I tell you, we all have the power to choose to accept people, though they do things we don't like, and in accepting them without taking offence we see just how beautiful they really are. Some of the most amazing customers are those I have expected to be a 'hand-full', and I could tell a few more stories of how people have surprised me, and I have been pleased to take down a wall of prejudice for the way I thought they'd be. People will inevitable do things that annoy us (even people we really love, and think are totally brilliant), but let's choose to give them grace, and let those little things go; to look past it, and love them instead of being 'easily angered'.

^{25 "}Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbour, for we are all members of one body.²⁶ “In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry" (Ephesians 4:25-6)

¹⁹ My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, ²⁰ because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. ²¹ Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you. (James 1:19-21)  
God guide
xSx

p.s. I mentioned that I am most ungracious, and easily angered when I am tiered. I learned through last year's lent that I am much more content loving person when I get my 8 hours sleep. It's a simple thing to do, so I try and do it. If there are little tiny things you can do to improve life, go for it. 

Update:

Since starting this blog I became a Counsellor. You can read more on blog on subjects like Therapy at:

 www.simonslistening.co.uk 

Love is not self-seeking

"[love] is not self seeking" (1 Corinthians 13:5)

self-seeking continues as another description of love according to Paul in his letter to the Corinthian church. By now the list is growing to example and test what true love is like. This characteristic of what love is not is (in three Greek words) seeking the things of its own. The route of the word for 'seek' is the same as used in a question or dispute where an answer is being searched for. It captures effort involved in the process of finding out an answer towards "getting to the bottom of a matter" (HELPS, 2011). Love is not then trying to get answers for the profit of yourself. It is not selfish.

I want to post another day about the word 'love' in the bible (because Greek has a few words for 'love', unlike English where we use the same word for the love we have for partners, children, hobbies and chocolate), but in brief the word used for love in 1 Corinthians 13 is not a romantic love. Romantic love is 'eros' (we get the word erotic from it), and that is the kind of love that characterises romantic relationships (so 1 Corinthians 13 is useful for all people whatever their relationship status, and not just at weddings). The word used for love in 1 Corinthians 13 is agape. Agape (a-ga-pay) is a Greek transliteration of the Hebrew (what the Old Testament was written in) word 'hesed'. Hesed is translated into English as 'steadfast'/'unfailing'/'unconditional'/ 'faithful' love. It is the unilateral love that God shows to His people. More simply, agape/ hesed is best exampled by God's love for His people because He loves them even though they continually mess up. God loves His people, though He created them and gave them everything so there is nothing they can repay Him with. God has no reason to love His people, 'He loves them because He loves them'. This is agape, this is the kind of love Paul is encouraging the church to model. The way I have best understood this is by an Old Testament Prophet called Hosea. In Hosea chapters 1-3, God tells Hosea to marry an adulterous/ promiscuous/ unfaithful girl. He marries Gomer (who was probably a prostitute) knowing she was going to cheat on him. Gomer ends up doing just that, but Hosea carries on loving her and in chapter 3 buys her back from the men she's sold herself to. He knew what she was like before he married her, and she continues in that nature, but he carried on loving her irrelevant and though it must have killed him emotionally inside to do so. All the while he's doing this, Hosea is prophesying the same message from God, and feeling the same feelings of love, yet rejection, at his love's unfaithfulness. You see, God loved the Israelites, but they kept abandoning Him as God and going after the local Gods (like Baal and Asherah). The Israelites get taken into exile in punishment for their unfaithfulness, but even though they hurt God so much by going after other Gods, He still loves them, and still wants to be with them (Ezekiel 16 has a similar prophetic message). God is the same in the New Testament, He loves His people so much that he becomes one of them - a human in a fallen world. He becomes one, lives with them, and eventually gives His own life to pay for all the unfaithfulness of His people. "Greater love has no man than this, that he lay down his life for his friends" (John 15:13), and this is exactly what Jesus did; though His people did not deserve it, though they continually turned against Him betraying Him and nailing Him to a cross, though the church is NOT perfect, and ALL Christians continually reject Jesus, mess up and don't live lives of love; though all of this, He chose to die for us. He realised that we were too messed up to turn towards Him (we were all like Gomer - prostitutes in nature), and the only way to restore the relationship was for Him to show His love by dying for us and giving us His Spirit to restore that broken relationship. This is agape, this is love - 'love is not self-seeking'.

Agape is the love that is modelled to us, and it is a love we can also live. One of the scientists we looked at a lot in my degree was a scientist called Richard Dawkins (a remarkable biologist in fairness). Dawkins wrote a book called "the selfish gene theory" in which he said that we do everything to propagate our own genetic information, and all behaviour is in effect to maximise what we pass on to the next generation. Kindness is simply something we do to ensure the survival of our genes. I think he would say that everything we do is ultimately selfish, and indeed this line of reasoning can be applied to most actions and argued in his favour, but do we only act to benefit ourselves? Love is not self-seeking, God is love, and living in love is living in God (1 John 4:16). Perhaps we live in love for a 'good feeling', or some obligation or a sense of responsibility, perhaps we love because it could win us favours, or in the hope of some divine reward, maybe we love people because they make us feel good and we quite like them - all of this is true and it is a good reason to love, but we can also love for no other reason other than because we decide to love people. I tell you the truth, when you love even though it is costly, there you will find the greatest reward. When we only love something because of what it can give us, our love is limited, and our motivations towards it bitter and demanding. I believe love is a choice, if it wasn't then Jesus would not command His disciples to love (John 13:34), if we could not choose to love then Paul wouldn't bother telling the Corinthian church what love is like. Choose to love people and you will see a whole new side to them.  

Human Forms Art Exhibition, 2012; Stockton Riverside College

You could look at this art piece and move on quickly or exit. Leave it, pass it by without love. You might think it is beautiful, abstract, ugly, great, rubbish, expressive - I don't know. It's more amazing however if we take time to love it. This is a BTEC student's final piece. A student will have spent weeks on this painting; thinking about it, panting it, writing about the ideas behind it. This is not just blotches of paint on a canvas, this is well planned out. People are the same, each of them are amazing and have so much detail if we are willing to appreciate and understand it. Is it worth while getting to love what we do not love? In a challenge to myself, I have decided that I need to give 'Dubstep' a chance today.

God guide

love

xSx

  Update:

Since starting this blog I became a Counsellor. You can read more on blog on subjects like Therapy at:

 www.simonslistening.co.uk 

Stacio Orrico, Without Love

No Post on 1 Cor 13 today, but Stacie Orrico has a great song on it that I really enjoy.

I have been learning a lot about justification by faith this year. Quite simply, it means that we are forgiven for all of the wrong we have ever done not because we are really good, but because Jesus was, and died for our sins. We therefore have no condemnation (Ro 8:1) because "greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends" and you are Jesus' chosen friends, and not servants, if you do what he commands, and he commands us to love one another (John 15:12-7 paraphrased) and believe in Him. Love sums up all commandments (Mt 22:27-40), God is love (1 John 4:16).

14 For this reason I kneel before the Father, 15 from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name. 16 I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18 may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19 and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God (Ephesians 4:14-19, NIV)
xSx

Update:

Since starting this blog I became a Counsellor. You can read more on blog on subjects like Therapy at:

 www.simonslistening.co.uk 

Love does not dishonour others

"[Love] does not dishonour others" (1 Corinthians 13:5)

Einsteing With His Tongue Out. Arthur Sasse, 1951

This is the first love characteristic of 1 Corinthians 13:5 which was written to show what genuine love is really like. The Greek word used here is translated as rude in the NIV 1984, whereas the above version uses 'dishonour others'. Other versions say acting unbecomingly, unseemly, or shamefully. The actual Greek word derives from a word which literally means 'without shape'. To be acting indecently against the shape that is normal for a person - to be indecent and so rude. Winter (1998:78) said the word can have "strong sexual innuendos" relating to sexual behaviour and nakedness, but is not in itself sexual, and being "without shape" could likewise apply to interrupting conversation, spitting, drunkenness and many other things (p79) as exampled by the word's use outside of scripture. It would seem then that rude is an adequate word to use. My mum brought me up to think it rude if we don't say please and thank you, or eat with elbows on the table; it was rude to point, or stick my tongue out at people; a rude joke tends to be sexual in content; or when I come into a conversation and ask what it was about, and people say 'don't worry, it's a bit rude', you assume they were talking about something sexual or involving nakedness and if I thought of a rude film, I'd think of the carry ons or American Pie. In the same way that rudeness involves a great deal of different things in English, it would seem to be the same in Greek.

It would be interesting to examine the anthropology of rudeness, to see what it means to different culture? In most cultures thumbs up means OK, it's a good gesture; but if you do it in Greece it's an insult. You want to say the olives the guy on the market place sold you are delicious, but instead you might as well have stuck your middle finger up at him. I think the same is so for rudeness, and it involves knowing the person you are with. Is there any behaviours you might have with your partner or friend that they might consider rude? 1 Corinthians 8 says we can eat any meat, but if eating meat that's been sacrificed to an idol upsets someone then don't do it. In the same way, if you love someone you will act appropriately towards them and not stick your thumbs up at the Greek market man, even though it feels fine for you, and you see nothing wrong with it. Let's make every effort to not be rude, so that we do not upset those we love, and act without love. There are other behaviours that I imagine we would find are universally rude in our anthropological study. No matter what culture you go to, I imagine it to be rude to spit your food out, and then eat it again. In the same way there are things we know are rude from scripture, our culture and common sense.

In there any way that you are acting 'without shape'/ inappropriately/ rudely that is affecting the people you love? Or is someone else acting inappropriately towards you. Are you with a group of people where you struggle to be appropriate?

God guide, guard and inspire you
xSx

Update:

Since starting this blog I became a Counsellor. You can read more on blog on subjects like Therapy at:

 www.simonslistening.co.uk 

Love does not boast, it is not proud

"...[love] does not boast, it is not proud"

This ends the attributes of love mentioned in 1 Corinthians 13:4, which Paul wrote to the church in Corinth to demonstrate true agape love. Why does this post have two characteristics? It may be because I realise that this is the fourth post on one verse, and there are five verses of love characteristics, it may be because I can't think of enough to say on one of them; but more so, it's because I believe that pride and boasting are linked together - boasting can come from pride.

photo by Fool-On-The-Hill, 2011

The Greek word for pride used here literally means to 'puff up' or inflate. When I think of puffing up, I imagine pigeons when they court, and the male swells his head up to impress the female. It looks quite silly when you see them in a park, but to lady pigeons it's quite impressive. I wonder if God sees us the same, when we puff ourselves up and walk around trying to impress people. It may look very impressive to the other pigeons, but a pigeon can't be puffed up all the time - it's just not practical. I wonder if God looks at the little things that we think are so great the same way that I look at the pigeons as they bob there big heads around at other pigeons?

Pride is a bit of a silent sin. We all make mistakes, and often those mistakes can make us feel condemned or upset. This is unhealthy because we don't want to walk around in guilt, and we don't need to be guilty any more, we are freed from that, and made pure in Christ (Romans 8:1-4). Guilt can make us ineffective and self-condemning, but pride is the exact opposite. We don't get prideful when we make mistakes, we get prideful when we do things well, or obtain, or are excessively pleased with something. Instead of condemning ourselves, we idolise ourselves and think ourselves grander than we are. This has the danger of making us overly independent, when we are a communal creature dependant on God. It puts our satisfaction in our accomplishments, when we are made pure through faith and not works (Ephesians 2:8-9). There is also a problem in having our security in our accomplishments, because we are only happy when we are doing well - which is a lot of pressure. If you take pride, and identify in your: relationship, or job, or bank statement, or ability to play guitar then what happens if your job or relationship ends? What happens when during the recession? What happens if you sprain your wrist and can't rock out? When we are only made by what we have done, we are vulnerable, how much more valuable would it be to be content in all circumstances, because our contentment isn't in us which changes so much, but in that unchangeable faithful higher power (Philippians 4:10-13).

What I am not saying is that there is anything wrong in delighting in what you accomplish, what goes well, and the amazing things in your life, but rather become thankful and happy in these. Mark Buchanan, in his book, 'The Holy Wild', gives a story about putting paving slabs out in the back garden, and recognising that is was a day well spent, being quite pleased with how it all went. This thought can take over, until he turns it into pride. Instead of: I am amazing at me because I have done this, his thinking was 'I am glad that I spent the day doing this, thank you Lord that this happened'. The glory went from himself to God. Now, the same's on facebook or blogger. We all love it when people comment and like us, when the stats of visits are high, when we are noticed; because we all love being noticed and, in turn, noticing others. My heart is for pastoral care, because I think a fundamental desire for humanity is the desire to be listened to, and in turn it's a privilege to listen to people's deep stories. I've really enjoyed researching around Corinthians also, and when people comment it is nice, but there is that danger of pride sneaking in. In those moments it has been important to not puff myself up because I have spent an evening doing something I am pleased with, but to give glory to God, and think about why I did it. I write this blog  because it helps me to come understand scripture and process the ways God nudges me in life, I write it to tell people I love what God is doing in my life, I write it in the hope that stuff I have learnt or experience might in some way help others along in their journey. I never started blogging so people would like me, or to feel good about myself; and when that thinking starts to get hold I need to remember the truthful reason why I am writing about love atm, because love is not prideful. It has also been so nice to turn any reliance on myself as knowledge and experiences increase into worship of the one who has given me all things I have and am.

Yesterday I went to a wedding (which was beautiful and amazing, everyone looked beautiful in their dresses and suits, and likewise I took time to prepare for the wedding and look good for the occasion in a suit). I was not sure if it would rain so carried a rain coat with me. The coat is brilliant at keeping you dry, but is not fashionable or lovely looking. As I travelled home afterwards on the bus I wore my coat. With my coat done-up I looked distinctly average, or even scruffy; anyone who saw me would never know that I was dressed for a wedding, but I knew that underneath I was dressed for a wedding. The coat was like humility, and I was grateful for it. I felt happy in myself sitting on that bus, having a nice chat with the driver before, and I did not need to take my coat off and 'puff-up' my suit and tie to be happy. I guess that is what life becomes as we grow. We all are made so beautifully, and we have been given talents, possessions and skills for good uses. We know we have these, we can delight in them, but let's know that we are wearing them, and not feel as though we need to show them off boastfully to be happy. 

I heard someone say that they felt like a trophy in their relationship, and that got me thinking: How often are our loves an accessory to life? Relationships are fundamentally about people relating. Pride is about dependence on oneself. Relating and arrogance are incompatible. We do not love to feel good about ourselves, but in relationship. I plan to speak later about the Greek word love, but the word used in 1 Corinthians 13 is agape. This word is an 'unconditional love' that loves irrespective of the other person. This kind of love does not love so it can puff itself up and boast about the love itself, but it loves because it cares about the subject of the affection.

In what ways are you overly depending on yourself? How would you feel if that accomplishment changed? Can that accomplishment turn from the slippery slope of pride into appreciation and thankfulness?
God guide
xSx

Update:

Since starting this blog I became a Counsellor. You can read more on blog on subjects like Therapy at:

 www.simonslistening.co.uk