Love does not envy

"...[love] does not envy" (1 Corinthians 13:4)

Paul carries on listing the attributes of love to the church in Corinth, a city which by their deity should model love, but rather Paul readdresses what love really is. This particular attribute is the absence of jealousy. The word for envy is ζηλόω, and it has the same meaning

 as it does in English. The Greek word (zeloo) comes from the same root as the word 'zealous', it literally describes the sound of water as it boils over, and that is how jealousy is. It's a dark nasty emotion where you see something in (or that belongs) to someone else that you are so zealous for, that you want SO much, that you bubble up, and boil over. When cooking dinner today the sauce boiled over a little, and we know it's bad when it stains the cooker. The same's so with jealousy, it builds and comes out in nasty ways. I have a confession to make, in that jealousy is the dark emotion I have battled with most within relationships (1 Cor 13 is not about relationships or romantic eros love, but agape love - I'll mention that another day, but it certainly helps with eros love). The trouble is that when we're jealous of someone we cannot trust them, or it creates a wall between them.

In the Old Testament God told the Israelites how to behave - He gave them some rule books (the Torah), and they had over 600 rules (thank God for Jesus so that we live under grace and not law now - or else I'd be saying sorry for bacon this breakfast). The most famous of which are the 10 commandments in Exodus 20. Of those commandments it is interesting how many of them concern jealousy. Firstly have no other gods except God because God is righteously jealous for us (and I think that's a different jealousy to the dark emotion we often exert - discuss). tenth, do not covet your neighbour's: house, wife, servants, ox, donkey, or anything that belongs to them. God through Moses couldn't have spelled it out better: the ten commandments start and finish with envy. They were commanded to not want what their neighbour (other people) have. Now, I live in a village and in honesty I've never bubbled over with zeal to the point that I selfishly hatefully WANT for the donkeys in the field down the road, but there are other ways that same characteristics present. In my case it was the fear within a relationship that the person would find someone better. This really held us back because of that wall of fear and envy*. For others perhaps the envy is different. The context of the chapter was that the church in Corinth was not using its spiritual gifts in love. 1 Cor 12 and 14 concern Spiritual gifts given by the Holy Spirit; really cool things like: wisdom, knowledge, faith, healing, miraculous power, prophesy, discernment of spirits, tongues and the interpretation of tongues (1 Cor 12:7-11). Imagine it, one person has been gifted with the gift of wisdom, and another has miraculous powers by the same Holy Spirit. Now, instead of being happy that both gifts exist in the church, the guy with wisdom is jealous and upset because someone has a gift he reckons is better than his - miraculous power. This is the context. Perhaps jealousy grabs hold of you - maybe you're also jealous within a relationship, maybe of someone else's gifts, maybe of your neighbours huge house, or the girl at work's beautiful figure; maybe it's the job that a guy in your class at school has, or the number of 0s in your brother's bank account; it could be the little baby next door, or maybe you're jealous of the boy in school who's mushy monster's collection is complete. It's not just ox and donkeys, we can be jealous over many things.

*I have to choose to keep defeating jealousy. I'd lie if I said that I'm never tempted, but it no longer gets a hold on me, and by the grace of God renewing my mind, it is not a problem so much any more. Firstly Michael came to lecture us at bible college. I told him that it was becoming a bit of a barrier in a relationship, and I wanted to break free of it. His answer was very helpful and inspiring. He told me that jealousy is fundamentally rooted in the belief that we believe better, and God is holding out on us. I was shocked that I needed to repent of it, but it actually helped. God has given me, Simon, everything I need. I believe He has a plan for my life, and has everything in His control (I'm increasingly Calvinist). It is OK to ask from God, in fact the bible outright encourages it (Luke 11:11-13), but we are also made as individuals. God does not want me to be someone else, there are some amazing people in the world I've met, but I don't want to be them, and they should not want to be me, because we are all created individually, knitted together in our mother's womb (Psalm 139 is about us being individually crafted and known by God). Lk 12:22-34 says not to worry about life, because God provides. I realised that instead of thinking about what I want, and being jealous if things didn't go that way, I should be thankful for what I do have and pursue the path that God has for me. Michael's advice really helped, but the emotion kept resurfacing. In the end the thing that helped me most was a few week's devotions on peace (I am reading Joyce Meyer's 'power thoughts' that have been good on peace recently). Instead of worrying and being more emotional (I am a feeling person, but that doesn't mean I have to be a moody person), I learnt to choose peace. Before Jesus left us he said "my peace I leave with you" (John 14:27), and Jews  greet with Shalom (peace). I think we have forgotten about peace, but peace has helped me to drop my jealousy.

Philippians 4:
4 Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5 Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

God guard
love
xSx

Update:

Since starting this blog I became a Counsellor. You can read more on blog on subjects like Therapy at:

 www.simonslistening.co.uk 

Love is kind

"...love is kind" (1 Corinthians 13:4)

Again, 1 Corinthians was written by the apostle Paul to a church in Corinth. Corinth was a Greek city taken over by Roman rule, but still Hellenistic in culture worshipping the Greek gods. In particular their patron god was Aphrodite (Perrottet, 2012), goddess of love and beauty. Having the goddess of love and beauty over their city, the Corinthian would seem to understand love; but love, sex and relationships are a major theme throughout this letter to the Corinthians because their understanding of these was skewed. In chapter 13 Paul focuses on love, and vv4-8a describe the characteristics of love. The first of these was patience and the second kindness, both of these (alongside love) are also amongst the spiritual fruits mentioned in Galations 5:22-3. That is the characteristics that result from a life empowered by the Holy Spirit, so the Spirit encourages our kindness.

The Greek (the original language of this letter) word for kindness here is χρηστεύομαι (chrésteuomai) which means (according to Strong, 5541) 'to be kind'/ mild/ to prove useful/ gentle/ full of service to others. Kindness is therefore focused on the external in meeting the needs of others. When I think of kindness I think of a few people. I think of my nan; when she goes to the supermarket she always buys chocolate and random food items she really doesn't need so she can give them away to everyone who visits her (and she's quite forceful that you take all of he Iceland spring-rolls). She is not looking for attention from doing so, she just loves expressing her kindness through generosity with food. My father has always impressed me with his kind services, loving to cut people's grass or help out with the DIY when people cannot do-it-themselves. I think of people who have made amazing sacrifices in their lives to become missionaries or work in charitable causes. I think of visiting others when they have been sick or in need of company to just genuinely be with them, and to share life, or just listen to their stories. I think of my boss who has done her friend's washing for years, I remember fellow work-mates who bring in cakes, or a little note written that really cheers someone up. Kindness can be expressed in both the extraordinary and the ordinary. In expressing kindness it costs, and that cost is not always repaid, but it does not count that cost. Instead it is concerned with what the other person is in need of, or would like. Kindness is also gentle (which will tie into the end of v4, "it does not boast, it is not proud"). Finally kindness does not always initially seem it. I remember when my hamster needed putting down that we did the 'kindest thing'? The kindest choice choice is never the easiest choice, but it comes out of a love for others. Instead of obligation, passion for people brings kindness, and as a spiritual fruit we can pray for it as a gift also.

Love is interesting. Money like coal is a finite resource in that the more you use it, the less you have. Love seems more the inverse of this. The more you give, the easier it seems to come. Likewise for kindness. Initially helping, serving or giving kindness is a sacrifice that exhausts, but it renews and becomes easier as it continues. Do you feel stirred towards being kind to anyone or thing this week? What are the needs of those around you and you could aid with a little push? What is your passion, or who do you love, and want to be kind to?

God guide
S

Update:

Since starting this blog I became a Counsellor. You can read more on blog on subjects like Therapy at:

 www.simonslistening.co.uk 

Love is patient

Love is patient (1 Corinthians 13:4)

1 Corinthians is a letter written by a guy called Paul. Paul was the most famous Christian missionary travelling around telling people about Jesus, and setting up churches. This particular letter was written to the church in Corinth, and this chapter concerns love (you may have heard it at weddings?).

Corinth wasn't the nicest of cities. There was a temple in the city to the Greek goddess Aphrodites, and this temple alone employed 1,000 prostitutes (Harris, 2003:63). We can feel like our culture is so different to anything in the bible, but throughout history we have been just as obsessed with sex, and just as much wrong went on - its a different time, but people are people. Instead of legalised prostitution in a religious temple, today we have a thriving porn industry, ever increasing sexualisation and a separation between the act and relationship (which misses a heck of a lot). The point I'm making by talking about the shrine prostitutes is that in Corinth, love was not patient, Love was a commodity, but in Paul writing this shows that it doesn't have to be, it can be something that takes time, and develops beautifully. I have a friend who made sloe gin this year, she put the sloe berries in gin and left it under her bed for months. The point was that good things do take time, and she wanted to act this out in the process of making sloe gin. Tescos do most of the things I need, so I can feel devoid of waiting, but I still remember as a child waiting for black berry season, or the snow in winter. To be honest, I'm glad that I have to wait a year for each, because too much snow (cold) or too many black berries make me sick :)

Of all the characteristics of love mentioned in 1 Cor 13, patience is the one I am learning most. Song of Songs 2:7 really spoke to me earlier this year (..."do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires"). I had been so eager to awaken romantic love, that I had not been patient enough to wait for the right timing. I now ever increasingly see waiting for the right time means that we act when the black berries are ripe, and not bitter; when ready, and not half-way-there. This doesn't just go for romantic relationships though, "patience is a [real] virtue". Waiting for the right time, and living in the waiting instead of the future when it comes (imagine a kid who spends the year talking about what Santa will bring - nightmare for mums :p). When we can be patient and wait for the right time, when waiting isn't such a bad thing, I have found that peace tends to follow. If you get time this week, why not practice patience? Stand in the longest line at the supermarket, smile in that minute your waiting behind the traffic lights and embrace every moment - even the inbetween fazes. Finally, is there anything that we need patience for, or are rushing into at the wrong time?

God guide
love
xSx