Firstly lessons built on the three objectives:
Empathy: Three days way not long enough to fully understand what it might be like for a homeless person. As we observed in the interviews, it is also true that every person's experience of sleeping rough is different. What we have not come away with is an awareness of what it is like for everyone sleeping on the streets, but we know now have an experience to base our understanding on. We did this when there was plenty of food available growing wild, it did not rain when we were sleeping rough, and it was not severely cold like it might be in the winter. We had warm jumpers, a sleeping bag, water and other supplies. We never got addicted to anything, we had a hope of where we were going to afterwards, we were not lonely and kept safe. I listened to someone's story of pain and sickness in their lives. Though there are hurts in my own history, and though I have also been sick, this is something totally individual, and I can hear his story, but never truly know how it is for people to be sleeping rough with a troubled past/ mental state/ physical health. Our experience was biased, and I think people have it far worse than we did, but despite this we still learnt. I learnt just how hard it was to survive; how embarrassing and difficult it was to beg, or how few safe warm places there are to sleep. I can understand what it is like to be hungry without knowing where the next meal is coming from. I know what it feels like to be considered worthless and lazy (like the girl in the coffee shop thought many homeless people are - I'd like to point out that they are not worthless, nor should their lifestyle define them). After spending time with them, I refuse to ignore it and return to a 'normal' life. I might not end up working with them, but I feel something for them that I had not before.
Thankfulness: I went to the pub party shortly after finishing homelessless. I remember going to the bar and thinking of getting a pint. In Oxford a pint is around £2.50, knowing that money could feed me and a friend for a day I could not bring myself to spend so much. Instead I bought myself a cordial water (very cheap, but quite nice). Now I am at KTC money has become very tight, and me and my flatmate Jon have learnt to respect it. Money is powerful, we can waste it or use it; and it can do likewise to us. Giving all of my own money to this year, and valuing it through homelessless has given me a deep respect for it, such that it no longer binds me as it had done. I am not suggesting that everyone should get rid of all of their money in order to be free of it, but learn to appreciate it. Today me and Jon went to supermarket and bought a lot from their reduced section. Jon said that this was a real blessing, and it provoked me to think about just how good it is that we can use money. Money can really help both us, and others. It's not just money though; I am so grateful to be sleeping in a bed, I love knowing where my food is coming from, I am overwhelm by the information the internet gives me, or the freedom to maintain relationships with the phone. Sometimes I can feel deprived, but really I am very fortunate; and when we look at all the good things given to us all around, and appreciate them something amazing happens. Our outlook changes, and instead of wanting more, we become content with what we already have. Be thankful for time, for the here and now, treasure the moments. It was tempting to grumble when we were eating dry biscuits for breakfast, or sleeping on biting insects; it would have been easy to complain about all the walking we did, or for me and Gerald to fall out as we got tiered. It was the default option, but when we exercised thankfulness we began to see the benefit of all of these situations. Instead of complaining about the walk or insects we saw the beautiful land we were walking through; and instead of being bitter about what we ate, we found joy at having something to feed us.
Isolation: This aim was never fulfilled. I had some time to pray in the morning, and read a bit of a book. We've had our first few lessons at Bible College now, and one of the things they advocate is having times of silence, or devotional times. This can be anything so long as it allows time to engage with God. If you're reading this and engaging with God sounds unfamiliar, then I would still say that isolation can be a good thing. I love reflective journalling, silent reading times, meditation (or prayer, perhaps for you it can be nice to get your thoughts in order) or long walks. It is nice for me to have moments where I have no agenda. As I said, this didn't happen during homelessless, but it did teach me something else:
Friendships: I learnt to really treasure Gerald. If I had done this alone, I would have given up quickly when I built the shelter. I would have settled for less than perfect sleeping spots, I might have been too afraid to beg, I would only have eaten the apples and blackberries instead of all of the other nutritious things we found. Most importantly, I would have been lonely and bored. Friends can frustrate us at times, but it is so important to have people who are for you. People who will be beside you when you're exhausted and weak, encourage you, motivate you to go on, spend time with and to laugh with. I real feel for those who are sleeping rough on their own, it must be so lonely, and so dangerous for them. Now that I have started Bible College I have less time to spend with my dear friends, but I am so grateful for the time we do get together. I am also excited about the friends I have met at KTC; I have related to Jon on such a deep level, such that after only six days we have shared our history, thoughts and feelings in an honest loving environment. I am also loving each person on the course, how they are all different in ages and interests yet each one has so many interests, skills and stories.
Provision: I was struck how we survived. We only ate because we found things to eat, we only slept because there was a place where we could rest and there was one kind woman who took pity on us and gave us money, though we do not deserve it, nor will we ever repay her. In a similar way I am now living on faith, I still don't know how next year will plan out, but I am trusting God that in the same way he feeds the birds, he will feed me and Jon; and in the same way me and Gerald survived with nothing, we will survive at KTC financially. academically, emotionally, spiritually and in our relationships.
Update:
Since starting this blog I became a Counsellor. You can read more on blog on subjects like Therapy at:
www.simonslistening.co.uk
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