This time of running out is this month just after the fees and trip have been paid for. After December I will no longer be able to afford rent, living expenses, bills or resources and yet I am carrying on knowing God 'will not leave me orphaned', 'where God leads he feeds' (John, housemate). To finish this year I need to raise about £3k, and I am not sure exactly where it is coming from, and so how am I at peace again about it?
Last week I was not, I knew I would run out and the anxiety had returned. Before college I was staying up at night worrying about it, and that lack of peace was starting to return. I fear failing, and I worried about failing this year due to finances so I arranged a meeting with the principle. My entire family, and many friends, were praying over this meeting. I told him that I was unable to afford to live next year, and that I was considering moving out of college accommodation to save money by living with my brother. I told him that I wanted to remain because one potential plan for next year is working with single guys and I am enjoying the fellowship, and because we had got to know some of the youth on Pinnock's Way who I don't want to abandon. I told him that staying would be a massive leap of faith, and I did not know where the funds were coming from, but asked if they at KTC were willing to leap with me?
He agreed and also said that I should not move out of the house just yet but rather do three things: 1. Pray, 2. Get a part-time job, 3. See him in January to review how it is going and think about funding. This was a tremendous relief knowing that I did not have to move out, even though I could not afford it. Now, before meeting I was going to check my pigeon hole for mail (we get assignments retuned in there etc), but I felt God nudging me not to so I didn't. After the meeting I decided again to check it, and found an envelope addressed to me (all it said was Simon on the front). Inside the envelope was £30 in cash. It was amazing! I had been so stressed about finances that day and God laid me on someone's heart enough to encourage them to donate me £30. I am not sure who it was from? The writing was graphologically quite distinct, and so I might be able to work it out, but it keeping the message anomalous I don't think they want me to know, and so I think I will just forget finding out. On the way home I praised God with my flatmate Akin because God had given me a glimpse of his power to provide.
That very day my mum phoned up, and I told her the story. She was somewhat impressed, but still in the worried state for me that I had been in. She did not sleep much that night, but worried for me and prayed. In the morning I got an early phone call from her. She told me that she had been praying about it, and God had given her a peace about the whole situation. She said that she didn't know how, but she knew that God would provide for me this year. Finally, mum was on board also.
The same week on Wednesday work had decided to pay for me to have a meal at the Randolf hotel. I was surprised at this because Boswells don't usually pay for people who have left full-time work, and yet they paid for me to come for the Christmas party. It was a good night, and nice to see them but two things happened there concerning finance: 1) I was told that I had been paid £98 for work I had forgotten that I had done during fire works, 2) I was told that I was able to receive some of the money I had paid in tax back for the months I had worked there. I pay tax as though I am working a year, but I only worked until Sept, and so I should get a portion of the tax I have paid back. Because Boswells had paid for me to go to the meal I wrote a thank you letter to the manager, and my department manager in which I asked if they had Saturday hours available.
On Friday I received a text asking if I wanted to work today (Sat). I told them I could not as I was attending, and working at, a conference on transforming society, but I would go in to sort out my hours. I went in there to chat through what days I can do over Christmas (19 Dec-3rd Jan) and they gave me every Saturday to work up until Dec 25th. This means that I get an extra 3 days paid work. It does however mean that I get no day off until Christmas day, and so I really am going to have to rely on God. That evening Akin was telling me how we have been given the authority by Christ to take control of sickness, emotions and situations which he backed with testimony and scripture. It motivated me to pray out, and rebuke things which were against me.
So in the morning of the conference I spent the 45min walk in rebuking my asthma, negative emotions/ tiredness and financial limitations. After praying this my asthma was amazingly gone for a whole hour (whilst it had been bad this week - Akin later said he felt God was stating something, and I should keep praying for it). As for finance, I prayed that 'something has to change', and that I had followed his direction, and needed his help, because I cannot make it alone. Now, at the end of the meeting I was clearing chairs up and this woman who I had not met before came up to me (this meeting had 130 people from various churches, she was not from OCC). She told me that she did not know why, but God was telling her to give me this, and she slipped £10 into my shirt pocket. Amazed again that God had laid my situation on someone's heart, I encouraged her that her gift was really an answer to prayer for me.
So, this year has still not been paid for, but I have seen a glimpse of what is to come. Last Tuesday we were thanking God not just for perceived good things, but for challenges as well. I thank God because I know that he has this situation in his hands, and I thank him that this year is difficult. I was prayed over before KTC that this year would be financially hard, and I am grateful that it is, because it is forcing me to trust in God and not my own bank account. I realised this Thursday that all of my troubles, concerns and insecurities boiled down to one route cause: I don't trust God enough. I trust him in theory, but this year has been testing my trust in action. Through this year though, my trust is growing. I am learning that God never fails, and we can trust him with everything. My closing question is then, in what area do you not trust God? Is there a friend who you think God can not draw to yourself? Are you or someone sick? Is finance also a limit on your life? Is there a sin that you believe the cross cannot free you from? Whatever it may be for you, trust in God.
God guide
xSx
Update:
Since starting this blog I became a Counsellor. You can read more on blog on subjects like Therapy at:
www.simonslistening.co.uk
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