New Year's Resolutions

News Year 2014.
I don't know about you? But my weight has not changed (I'm one of those trying to gain rather than loose), I am no better at French, and I'm not always doing my scheduled devotions. This will be my 50th Blog Post, and amongst those are series I have started, and not quite finished like Love, Homelessless and Lent. It seems I start these things trying really hard to do them, then after a few months,weeks.... days; I stop, 'relax' or fail.

New Year's Resolutions are about setting targets and goals for ourselves to improve our next year i.e. getting healthier or stopping those bad habits. As I move on from one career into another, my goal next week is to research more on First Aid, Substance Misuse, Benefits Applications, and Services in my area. This goal will be useful to better me for the job ahead (more on that another day continuing homelessless and ending Boswells), but moving on to a new job is as much about me being everything I can be by my effort, as it is about being accepted and trained, and the experiences which have shaped me to be accepted. Goals are useful things, they motivate us and we do well from a bit of motivation to achieve our goals, but sometimes our goals can be a little bit too me-focused.

My Muslim friends will often sign off their messages with 'Insha'Allah' which means for them 'god willing', such that anything they plan does not depend entirely on their efforts (see Luke 12 for a good chapter on planning and worrying for the future). In Christian tradition we have an amazing word called 'grace'. Grace is all about us getting what we do not deserve. Ephesians 2:8-9 says this:

"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith - and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God - not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."

This passage is saying that our acceptance from God is nothing to do with how good we are as people. God is infinite and perfect, I am small and make mistakes. I could never write a good enough CV, be in good enough physical shape, train enough, know enough, spend enough time praying or whatever else you think we should do, to be good enough for God. It is not my own efforts and abilities than make me a son of God, acceptable and good enough, but it's Him gracefully adopting me. I cannot pay my debts, but Christ has. It would be like instead of a diet, you are given free liposuction; instead of learning French, a translator follows you around; instead of stopping smoking, smoking stopped being bad for you - not because of your efforts, but by grace.

Now, grace does not mean laziness. You're partner may call you beautiful, but that doesn't mean that you should never wash your face. Instead wash your face knowing that they'd find you beautiful if it was mucky, but doing so because you love them and want to please them with your nice clean healthy face (plus washing your face is good for you); instead of because you feel you have to wash it to make them accept you. So true with New Year's Resolutions: it is good to better yourself, and decide on things that will do so practically in 2014. Those resolutions however should not give you value as a person, because if they slack or fail you feel less accepted. What I am effectively saying is not to 'not do resolutions', but to examine your motives for doing resolutions.

Justification by Faith, and not by Law; Grace and not works. Motivated to change because you're accepted, and not to be accepted.

God guide you into the year ahead, and may you know His perfect accepting love towards you no matter what you have done or obtained.
xSx

Update:

Since starting this blog I became a Counsellor. You can read more on blog on subjects like Therapy at:

 www.simonslistening.co.uk 

RIP

Guess the word from the letters below.

(Picture 1 is taken from my Facebook profile, 2 from this link quoting Shaun of the Dean and Leon, and 3 and 4 from clip art on MS Office 2007; Game design adapted from a game by Heyzap games). Answer: me sleeping peacefully, Japanese peace lilly, piece of a puzzle, rest in peace.

In Islamic culture a common greeting is 'Assalamu alaikum' or 'peace be upon you'; in Judaism, 'shalom', also meaning 'peace', is used like we say hello; yet in Western culture peace rarely enters our vocabulary. In my old church we carried on a tradition called 'the peace'; it's a time where the vicar says 'the peace of the Lord be always with you', and we responded 'and also with you', then went around the church nervously shaking hands with anyone that makes eye contact with you saying 'peace be with you'. I want to say that this ritual was good practice, even if it was a bit awkward for me, and that we have something to learn from the greetings of our Jewish and Islamic brothers and sisters. It would seem that peace is a word used only at funerals - 'Rest In Peace', and I don't think I can wait until I am dead to experience peace. 

In the gospel of John, Jesus talks to His disciples about peace. He speaks about peace mostly during the conversations he has with them at the last supper, and then after His resurrection. To emphasise the situation, Jesus knew He was going to die at the last supper. This was a chat with the twelve people who'd been following Him for three years on the night before he would be executed in the most horrific way - not the most peaceful of times. After He rose from the dead He knew the disciples would be persecuted (Jn 16:33) (killed in fact for following Him - again not peaceful ), and He usually wishes them peace just after He'd reappeared to them as a greeting (Jn 20:19, 20:21, 20:26)  (AGAIN, peace is not the usual response to seeing a friend again who died on a bloody cross). 

In particular in John 14 Jesus could have spoken about many things the night before He temporarily left His disciples - things we wonder about today, but instead He mentioned peace in this chapter. Jesus has just told His disciples that He is going to die, and go to heaven, but He will send the Holy Spirit to be with them forever. Rooted into this context is verse 27

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid".

The peace that Jesus talks about is a peace that does not depend on circumstances, You don't need to be in a luxurious five star hotel in Barbados to be at peace, but Jesus is leaving His peace on a people who are about to be bereaved and scattered. Peace is something that is accessible at any point in the knowledge that God is with us. The world teaches us that there is something we need to do to be at peace, but Jesus gives us His peace. It strikes me that I do not need to be dead to RIP, and I do not need to be at Rest to be In Peace. If we could not find peace, and were destined to be stressed and overwhelm, then Jesus wouldn't've bothered telling His disciples (and us) that He would give them peace. We can access His peace, which goes beyond the things that might trouble our hearts and cause us to fear.

keep calm and carry on

I finish by quoting the words of Paul to the Philippian church (Philippians 4:4-7), which he wrote as he was imprisoned for the faith, and uncertain on his sentence:

4 Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. 5 Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; 6 do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

God guide

peace be with you
xSx

Update:

Since starting this blog I became a Counsellor. You can read more on blog on subjects like Therapy at:

 www.simonslistening.co.uk 

Belief

It seems to me that there are two different ways that we talk about Belief in English:

The first is a pithy expression. When you're asked, 'are you sure you shut the door?' and you reply, 'I believe I did' * in that questioning tone. This kind of belief is more saying: 'I reckon this is true, but I am not really sure so I'm kind of going on faith; Having said that, I could be wrong, so we should probably stop the car, turn around and check that door because I am certainly not willing to get my ear chewed when we get home and I might be wrong'.

The second type of belief is more about trust than the probability of something being right of wrong? Example, 'Is Peter going to make a good father?' 'Yes he is, he's a good man, whose great with children; I believe in him'. Like the first use of the word belief, it relies someone what on faith; but it does not leave the speaker uncertain because of their trust in the person. This faith has evidence.

Now, as a Christian I talk about believing in Jesus Christ, and I don't want us to get confused in the grammar here. I am not a faithful believer in uncertainty that Jesus Christ might be the truth. I am not faithfully reading my bible, praying, going to church, and giving my whole entire life to follow someone who might exist - but I'm secretly not so sure. No, I am no Holy Gambler. When I say I believe in Jesus Christ, I am saying that I trust him as God. I am saying that he deserves my trust because he is a faithful man:God who gave Himself up and died on a cross so I could know and live forgiven and empowered. I am not taking the road of Christianity because it might be the right road, I am taking the Christian road because of the Christ in Christianity who I believe in.

God guide
S 

Update:

Since starting this blog I became a Counsellor. You can read more on blog on subjects like Therapy at:

 www.simonslistening.co.uk 

Song of Songs 1:2

Song of Songs 1:2

'Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth -
for sex is more delightful than wine'

sorry, I misquoted*

'Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth -
for YOUR sex is more delightful than wine'

oops, sorry; I misquoted again*

Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth -
for YOUR LOVE is more delightful than wine

The book of the Songs of Solomon. A love letter in the bible between lover and beloved opens this way. I felt led to read it today, and was struck by the words 'your love'. I was struck that instead of talking about the physical pleasure of relationships, following a physical expression (the kiss), it talks about a holistic delight of 'love'. Furthermore, as well as their relationship being characterised by love, it is uniquely personal to that person: Your love (for she is like a lilly amongst thorns [2:1]; and he is like an apple tree in a forest [2:3]). Even this small verse opening the book highlights the delights and fulfillment that a committed, exclusive, holistic relationship between two people brings.

May we delve to the depths of love as we walk through our days experiencing full commitment to people rather than superficial relationships based on individual pleasure. Love is outward in its orientation, rather than inwards. Love gives rather than receiving, and in so doing incidentally gains.

I think I'll keep reading this small book of 8 chapters. For a book in the bible which does not seem to be elsewhere quoted, nor does it mention God, it is pretty amazing.

God guide
xSx

Update:

Since starting this blog I became a Counsellor. You can read more on blog on subjects like Therapy at:

 www.simonslistening.co.uk 

Goodness is Sickness

I've had food poisoning last month. Everything I ate or drank I brought up, and I lay in bed for 30 hours with the most erratic body temperature (either too hot or cold) and a nasty headache. This was the first time I remember being ill in the last five years and I wanted to take a number of lessons from it:

1. Thankfulness: I went to sleep around 12 with a headache and woke at 2.30. When I opened my eyes they no longer hurt, and I remember looking out the window at this beautiful sunny day seeing all the buds on the trees and hearing the animals making their noises. I had never been more grateful to be well as today. I drank some juice after and it stayed down, and I just now had a slice of toast after more than a day of nothing. I remember praying a prayer of thanksgiving before eating it, and though toast and peanut butter is bland, it tastes wonderful and my whole body rejoiced to be able to eat it. I guess I had never truly been that thankful for health, even when visiting those who are suffering like nan recently, but now the pain has stopped I am honestly contented with being well.

2. I have done absolutely nothing, I missed work, and had to swop duties with a friend at church who graciously filled in this week (thank you so much for that and all the support you have given whilst I've been friend. Learning to be cared for is another lesson, and you have been so kind). I have mostly just been laying down and sleeping. Now, I am someone who can often find identity in what I do and not in who I am; and doing nothing has been a good reminder that life does not depend just on what I do. 

3. I do not know why, but after being ill I no longer felt condemned. I knew from Romans 8:1 and other scripture that there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, but I really felt this truth in my heart after being ill, and freedom from guilt and shame is freedom indeed

God guide
S

Update:

Since starting this blog I became a Counsellor. You can read more on blog on subjects like Therapy at:

 www.simonslistening.co.uk 

Easter Symbols

With about two weeks to go, Easter is getting closer and working in a gift store selling Easter products I've been thinking about symbols:

some happy and unhappy eggs courtesy of
 Wil and Cres 

It seems the main thing we get excited about over Easter is eggs (especially if they are made of chocolate). We are playing a game in store where you have to find the hidden four eggs, and it is indeed great fun searching for eggs and eating every last one until we feel thoroughly sick on Easter Sunday. Eggs have been used to describe God because an egg is one thing yet three: yolk, white and shell; just as God is one yet Father, Son and Holy Spirit. It's also a good Easter symbol because eggs hopefully hatch into the other famous Easter symbol: cute little chicks - there are also cute little rabbits (perhaps because they are good at  Genesis 1:28 - "...be fruitful and increase in number...") . Now as well as being fluffy nice critters that Lindt turn into fantastic chocolates we can gnaw the ears off of, they are also symbols of new life. Just as the chick or little rabbit  (kitten or kit) is a new life into the world, at Easter we celebrate Jesus not just dying on a cross, but coming back to life in a new way and sending the Holy Spirit.

my dinner tonight
- heart casserol

Now to get a bit more into Symbols and talk about the symbols of Easter and indeed of Christianity itself. It might be apparent from the series I started on love and 1 Corinthians 13 (which I hope to continue with soon) that love is perhaps the central message of the Bible. Jesus said that the entire law (that is about 600 commands from the Old Testament) can be summarised by simply loving each other and God (Matthew 22:36-40; Galatians 5:14), we are encouraged that loving one another is the mark of Christianity (John 13:34-5) and God Himself is called Love (1 John 4:16) which binds everything together (Collosians 3:14). Love is a powerful thing indeed, so why isn't that the symbol of Christianity and they symbol of Easter - Jesus loving dying for His disciples? Another big theme is the faithfulness of God, and the biggest representation we have for that is the wedding ring so maybe that could be the symbol? Easter marks Jesus' victory over death and so perhaps we could have empty tombs as our symbol for Easter or rejoicing hands? This however is not our symbol for Easter, and what we remember. The symbol for Easter is, and have a guess, here is a clue:

Mel Gibson.(2004). The Passion of the Christ 

'What's the Word' (www.heyzap.com)

No, it's not the Zebra. The symbol for the whole of Christianity, and the reason we remember Easter is because of the cross. It's true that He rose again after death, but remember it and hold it close to us (ironically Good Friday is the day we remember the actual crucifixion which has always puzzled me why it is called good?). The cross has quickly become a nice fashion accessory that we look at without really thinking or remembering. To remember what the cross is really about I tend to watch Mel Gibson's film annually (you can watch the whole thing by clicking the link underneath the puzzle above. I warn you though, it's an 18 because it's the most violent film I have ever seen). It spares no detail in showing that that little metal thing I might hang around my neck represents a death penalty so brutal that the Romans abolished it. The cross and the wounds inflicted on Christ before, as well as the emotional and spiritual turmoil of being deserted by all His disciples and at the hour of death even the Father, make Jesus's death the worst example of suffering. Jesus was without sin, He did not deserve to die like that, yet He died a death that the culture considered cursed (just like a Muslim would hate to be die and be buried with a pig) by dying on a tree (Deuteronomy 21:23; Galatians 3:13) knowing that His perfection being sacrificed in that way would be enough to make up for all our imperfections, and through Christ's death all could be forgiven. 

We keep the symbol of the faith as the cross because the cross shows that God suffers with us. The biggest question for non-believers is usually about suffering. There is indeed suffering, and this world is not perfect; but we have a God who sees that, becomes human (Godhood to manhood is already infinite in the suffering spectrum) and even gives up manhood by suffering the worst total pain that anyone could or has ever had. God doesn't just let suffering happen, but He comes and takes part in it, He bares it all and is victorious. Now I myself am suffering at the moment (as I am sure are most of you in some way as you read this) as my family care for my Nan suffering dementia and moving to a home, and my other Nan who is physically ill and also moving to a home. It's a hard time, as have there been in the past, and as will there be in the future, but I know that no matter how hard it gets: God is willing to suffer with me. He tells us we will suffer, and the journey was never meant to be fluffy rabbits, cute chicks and chocolate, but there is hardship. He tells us we will suffer, but he loves us enough to walk the suffering with us and to send to Holy Spirit of peace as our comfort so that even the hard times can work together for good. That is why we as Christians wear the cross close - because God loves us and is faithful, so much so that he suffers for our sake.

God guide,
happy Easter
xSx 

Update:

Since starting this blog I became a Counsellor. You can read more on blog on subjects like Therapy at:

 www.simonslistening.co.uk 

Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices in the truth

"Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in the truth" (1 Corinthians 13:6)

This is one of the characteristics of love that Paul mentions in 1 Corinthians 13 that I really had no understanding about until benefiting from the wisdom of some of the authors of biblical commentaries (though I thought I did). To me, I just read it as 'love is not evil but good', and thought that so obvious that I glanced over it without letting this sink into my life, like scripture can do. I have since been very challenged by this verse this week. It is also the first time taking a whole verse at a time, but I think that in being opposites, 'delighting in evil' and 'rejoicing in the truth' need to be explored in one evening. The Greek is closer to 'doesn't rejoice at unrighteousness (literally the opposite of right living, instead of evil) however rejoices with the truth'. Notice at and with. Truth doesn't just mean the opposite of lies, but what is real; and more than that, 'truth' is used by Jesus to mean walking in relationship with Him, and Jesus even calls Himself 'the truth' (John 14:6). I want to take three lessons from this verse that depends on how you might translate it.

1) doesn't delight in other's vices, but rejoices in their virtues

US Weekly Magazine. 25/7/12

Most of the commentaries seem to interpret verse 6 this way. This interpretation says that if you love someone, or if you are a loving person, you do not enjoy exposing what people have done wrong, dwelling on it, and judging the person because they are like that; instead you are excited when they do good things, and celebrate those accomplishments. 

My first thought of this was that I do not delight in people getting things wrong, then I thought more about it, and thought more about our culture. Our media thrives on the failings of others. The more famous someone seems to be, the more open they are to scrutiny, and the better reports sell of their failures. We read daily about who is having an affair with who, what marriages have failed, who has been sent to prison, or who is having a break down; gossip magazines gloat over the best picture of the most beautiful celebrities having a 'bad hair day', or wearing a disaster of a clothing combo; real-people magazine is full of pages about how people have been abused, mistreated or have strange fetishes that most readers disprove of; our football conversations or political critiques focus on how members in the sports of political teams have failed us; our economic news shouts about which country's currency has died or who has the highest unemployment; our news on the health service looks at when doctors make mistakes, long waiting lists, and the patient who had a scalpel left in after surgery and is taking the financially poor NHS to court because they set of metal alarms at Tescos. The failure of others is the product our media so often sells. How often instead do we read about a successful long happy marriage, people holding down an honest job, pictures complementing people who have dressed the way they want to, stories of good deeds that people have done for one another, the good choices our government or favourite football manager has made, how successful operations have saved millions of people's lives and general stories of good things that people have done. Our culture delights in others' failures, and so not surprisingly so do we? We like it when others fail because they seem more human, but it can go further than that and we can take great delight in it.

True love is the other way around to media, and something we can all work towards. It has already been mentioned that love is not jealous, and that is true. Love notices when people do a good job, when they succeed, when they are virtuous living a good life and serving, it notices love and rejoices with it. If someone on your course, workplace, or family is really happy/ works hard/ doesn't seem to mess up as much as the rest of us/ is easy to get on with or does anything else you consider good (to be living in the truth) then that is great. Imagine if instead of getting jealous of other's successes, we got excited for them with it. The book I am reading atm defines love as "the will to extend one's self for the purpose of nurturing one's own or another's spiritual growth" (Scott, 1990:81). If we exerted ourselves to love, and in loving wanted to see people develop, and in wanting that development rejoiced and rewarded people when they do things advantageous to their growth, and did not damage people's growth by destroying them at the slightest mistake, then I think we would all grow a lot more and a lot quicker than we do. Imagine I employ you to sort a bucket of fake and real £1 and show you how to distinguish between the two, I pay you a set wage but tell you that when you make a mistake I will reduce your wage, and it will be held on your record. How will your work ethic be by virtue of my focus on your failures? Imagine I employ you for the same job, except instead of docking your pay for mistakes, I promise to reward you if you do well, and keep note of your success (will your work ethic be any different?). Rejoicing with the truth that others do instead of delighting in their mistakes.

2) does not delight in evil, but rejoices in the truth

This was how I interpreted the verse before reading commentaries. Quite simply, a loving person does not act evilly towards others. If you love someone you do not steal from them, or hurt them, or wish them wrong maliciously or vengefully, it doesn't plot against people, or seek to ruin them. On the contrary, love rejoices with the truth. Loving people act kindly, they want to see people grow and develop, they seek charity and virtues. Seeing as God is love, and God is truth, we love as we walk with God. Love is not an evil thing, but good.

3) does not dwell on one's own evil, but focuses rejoicing with good things done

"...let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us" (Hebrews 12:2)

I have started a Christian year long 12 step program called Celebrate Recovery, and they mentioned this verse yesterday. Between that and the book I'm on by Joyce Mayer's, I got thinking about our thought patterns. Hebrews 12 says that things (evil) can wrap themselves round us and trip us up so we cannot run the race of truth, so let's throw those things off to run. I am saying here that let's not get caught up on our own failures which needn't destroy or define us. We can be set free by the cross from the guilt of our evils. If our map of ourselves is designed on what we do wrong, and we focus negatively on ourselves ignoring the positive and noticing the negatives then we will view ourselves as negative people (this is pretty much what CBT seeks to do - change our self image away from negative destructive thinking).

"...whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things" (Phillipians 4:8)

Instead of focusing on all the negatives let's instead choose to focus positively. Let's think about the true, right, pure, lovely, admirable things in ourselves and in so doing become that kind of person; instead of a tangled up runner, let's remember all the training we've done for this race, and the people gathered to cheer us on (Heb 12:1). If we want to love ourselves, and see ourselves grow, then making the difficult decision to move on from our failures and rejoice in our successes will be the best for us. Being an optimist is a particular challenge I personally have to work very hard at, but I recognise the benefits in my own life of choosing to focus on good things that build me up, instead of being beaten down by bad things or mistakes I make.

God guide

love
xSx

Note
One may interpret that from this entery: we should not point out the troubles in one another's lives, and that there is nothing wrong with sin - on the contrary it is a natural part of life we should choose to ignore. This is not the position I hold in either case.

Galatians 6:1-2 says that we should gently restore people who are caught up in mess. If someone is continually deliberately messing up in a way that is bad for them and those around them it would be unloving to ignore it completely. A loving thing to do is for someone at some point to point this out. It needs to be done with the utmost of love and gentleness though - not out of self-righteousness or to put them down, but because you recognise there behaviour is wrong for them and others, and needs improving. Do think and pray about it before being assertive in correcting (is it loving? Will it benefit them? Is it an actual problem or just something that annoys you? Is it them that needs changing or you? Is it the right time to correct them? Will they listen to you, and are you an appropriate person to make this correction or would someone else be better? Are they ready for this criticism? Have you prayed about the decision? Are you being influenced strongly by your emotions, in which case would it be better to correct when you have calmed yourself? Why are you correcting them?). I can remember numerous character traits, sins, habits and negative behaviours that people have picked me up on in love, and it has made me a better person; likewise there are times when people have said things to me that have not developed me, or even made me worse, when it would have been wiser to wait.

Sin is very serious, and though it is natural that we do it in this fallen world, that does not mean we should accept it. We should make every effort to combat it, but don't beat yourself up when you fail. The cross takes our sin, don't take it back from it. 

Update:

Since starting this blog I became a Counsellor. You can read more on blog on subjects like Therapy at:

 www.simonslistening.co.uk